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Unreliable Pet Sitter
Posted at: 2010-01-08 12:17:03
Original ad:
Trustworthy and reliable pet sitter available in the area to watch your pets. Your pet will be in good hands and treated with care while you are away. Rates vary - email to discuss.
From Me to **********@**********.org

Hey,

I am away on vacation with my girlfriend for two weeks and completely forgot about her pet fish. Would you be able to go to my house and feed him every day? Normally I wouldn't let a stranger go into my house, but I am desperate and you seem trustworthy. What is your rate? I can pay you online via PayPal, or just give you cash when I get back.

Mike

From Jennifer ********* to Me:

Hi Mike,

Of course I can take care of your fish but I have a few questions first:

- Where do you live? Is there a spare key/garage code/whhatever so I can get in?
- What kind of fish is it and how big is the tank? (If it is a small fish bowl then I can care for the fish at my house)
- Any special instructions for feeding the fish?

My rate for small pets such as fish is $10 per day. Feel free to call me if you wish to discuss this over the phone. My number is 610-***-****.

Jenny

From Me to Jennifer *********:

Jenny,

I live at 211 ******* St (near the Acme shopping center).

The fish is a guppy but it lives in a 55 gallon tank, so you probably can't move it. It just needs one pinch of fish food in the morning and at night (in the jar above the tank).

I don't have a spare key or garage code, so you are going to have to break a window to get in. I have a garden in the backyard where you can find a rock. I would prefer if you didn't break any of the front windows because they are new. I'd suggest breaking the kitchen window in the back of the house. Now when the window breaks, the alarm is probably going to go off. I think the alarm code is 1988, but I'm not entirely sure. It is protocol for the alarm company to send the police when a window is broken, so just tell the police that I hired you to take care of my fish.

When can you be over there? I haven't fed the fish in over a day so I am sure he is really hungry.

Mike

From Jennifer ********* to Me:

What? That is crazy - I'm not gonna smash a window!

From Me to Jennifer *********:

Jenny,

Why don't you feel comfortable breaking a window? Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes.

If you are afraid that you aren't strong enough to break the window, I have a sledgehammer in my shed. The shed is in the backyard and is unlocked. It is on the wall with the shotguns. You can easily break any window with that thing.

I almost forgot, if the police come, I need you to hide some weed and a bong that I left on the kitchen counter. Just put the weed in your pocket so they don't notice it when they are talking to you about the alarm, and maybe stuff some flowers in the bong so they think it is a vase.

Mike

From Jennifer ********* to Me:

I don't feel right smashing your window bc how would I explain that to the police? And now you want me to hide your drugs? Do you want me to go to jail? Think about what you want me to do and then ask yourself if you would do it in my situation.. I don't think you would!

From Me to Jennifer *********:

Jenny,

Think about how Gary (the guppy) feels right now. He is starving, and will most likely die if someone doesn't feed him soon. How selfish of you to put your own interests before the life of another.

Please, just do it for Gary. If he dies, my girlfriend is going to be pissed at me. The last time I accidentally killed one of her pets, she wouldn't have sex with me for a month. Do you know how expensive it is to pay an escort service for sex? Please don't make me go through that again.

If you are afraid of the police, I'll understand. I have a criminal record too, so I get why you don't want to deal with them. How about you smash the window, run in, feed the fish, and run out before they get there? It will probably take them at least five minutes to respond to the alarm.

Mike

From Jennifer ********* to Me:

No! You are an idiot! I don't have a criminal record you damn moron and I plan on keeping it that way. Don't try to guilt me about your fish because its your own stupid fault for forgetting about him! Just explain to your gf that you are a jackass and forgot to take care of the fish!

From Me to Jennifer *********:

Jenny,

When we get back home and I find the dead fish, I'll have no choice but to explain to my girlfriend that I hired you to take care of the fish and you let him die. I will give her your phone number and let you two sort things out.

Mike

From Jennifer ********* to Me:

Don't you fucking dare you stupid mother fucker!
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Jennifer you bitch this could have all been avoided if you'd have just smashed a window, hidden some weed, and fed me! My blood is on your hands!
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anonymous (2013-01-23 00:23:47)
"Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." Funniest thing I've read in a long time.
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phatso420 (2012-12-11 21:50:58)
think qbout gary. hes starving
HAHA (2012-10-28 11:31:54)
I freakin lost it when he said he had a guppy in 55 gallon tank LMAO
Dickfield (2012-09-25 14:29:19)
I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the bit about keeping the gf from looking outside bit hilarious.
Shane (2012-09-23 18:43:56)
A 55 gallon tank for a guppy? Isn't that basically giving the fish a private ocean?
Me (2012-08-28 00:54:54)
I'll give her your number and you two can sort it out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA
Stranger (2012-07-21 08:01:50)
I was expecting somethin crazy like a shark or whale , it was still nice though.Love this one!
@nrt (2012-07-10 14:42:37)
because if she actually AGREED to mike's crazy conditions, he may get in trouble.
MBK (2012-06-19 10:18:33)
"....It is on the wall with the shotguns...." ROFLMFAO
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fdr (2012-06-16 08:22:00)
hahaha ... i was kinda expecting a larger fish like a piranha or a shark though... but still funny as hell
nick (2012-06-12 12:38:13)
For those wondering why it was a fish and not a dog or something a dog can move to the sitters house but it is too much trouble to move the fish
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nrt (2012-05-15 21:27:42)
Why didn't he say his dog or maybe a cat? She obviously wouldn't have the heart for a dog or kitty to starve to death.
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lmao (2012-04-06 21:19:35)
I don't get the replacing the window with a wall part. Can someone explain???
lmao (2012-04-06 21:19:03)
I don't get the replacing the window with a wall part. Can someone explain???
Austin (2012-03-24 22:22:48)
Isn't his real name John?
Willao (2012-03-09 17:57:04)
Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. #Classic hahahhaha
Deuce (2012-01-22 18:43:10)
i dont kno if some ppl kno that hes pranking ppl. some of these comments im reading make me think some ppl think these are serious
@ @ @Your mom (2012-01-21 21:08:32)
"Mike" is also a persona. Get your facts straights, asshole.
@ @Your mom (2011-12-28 19:45:14)
When you're a sex addict who's desperately hanging onto his girlfriend (like the persona Mike played here) you'd probaly pay a bunch of money for Gary, too. Idiots hire people to do alot of things, including taking care of pet fish.
Mark (from Holland) (2011-12-21 13:18:35)
BEST SITE EVER!! Man, your awesome. hahahahaha
Gooch (2011-12-18 20:21:21)
Mike? I thought this had David Thorne written all over it!
ANON OMAS (2011-11-24 18:32:59)
Y DOES A GUPPY NEED A 55 GALLON TANK????? AND 10BUCKS A DAY?!?!?!?!?! Y!!!!!!!!!
PWND (2011-11-20 17:30:35)
Your mom (2011-10-15 13:20:38) And how is that capitalism in your country going for ya? Your economy is going to shit and you will be living on the street, you mad bro?
omg (2011-11-05 01:15:24)
been reading your stuff and nothing yet has been more random and instantly classic then "I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." ty
awesome (2011-11-03 00:07:39)
Llol weedd........ Jk i dont do weed or durges im only 12 almost 13 8P
@ Your mom (2011-10-16 01:25:25)
It's a fucking fish ffs. Plus it isnt even real. No idiot would actually hire someone to take care of a pet fish.
Your mom (2011-10-15 13:20:38)
Seriously? You people think $10 is excessive. I woulda asked him for $25 a day....He said he was desperate. It's called capitalism bitches
anonymous (2011-10-13 14:46:56)
WHAT?!? $10 a day for a friggin' fish? how much would she ask for a dog?
frank (2011-10-12 23:42:42)
This guy is hilarious! Just ordered his book after only reading three of these!! Jenny was completely selfish, he clearly went over all of the necessary steps for her overall success in this action. Poor Guppy...*tips drink* R.I.P. homie!
Chris (2011-09-30 08:39:50)
LMAO! The poor guppy...but why does he live in a 55 gallon tank??
Jen (2011-09-27 20:43:40)
I would do it..>.> <.<
schizer (2011-09-08 02:57:26)
I was gonna put a wall there anyways so my girlfriend couldn't look outside while she does the dishes. hahah where does he come up with this shit!
lol (2011-09-03 17:06:18)
i want to try this, where do you find the ads
Floyd Scherzinger (2011-09-03 08:12:39)
Jennifer sounds kookoo.
Sam (2011-08-02 00:45:00)
Quelle rigolade !!! Bravo Mike, Tu es le meilleur !
TheCoy (2011-07-29 11:19:09)
Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. ---LOL!!!!!!!!!!
OG LOPE (2011-07-24 21:09:58)
WOW GREAT SITE WISH U HAD MORE UPDATES TO POOR TO BUY THE BOOK
The (2011-07-17 01:47:38)
I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes.-Genius
Mika (2011-06-07 18:12:57)
Thank u for this! You always get te last comments like: "u motherfucking idiot go fucking yourself" :D
Anonymous (2011-06-07 12:27:16)
$10 a day to feed fish? Wow. Fuck that bitch. I can buy food for 10 dogs for less than $10 a day!
Rickflip 69 (2011-05-26 06:49:11)
Classic......LMAO
dude (2011-05-24 17:56:41)
XD i love ur site!!!!! but has anyone ever pranked u in a email?
Cosmo (2011-05-14 09:43:03)
"I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." - Instant Classic !
Dorian (2011-05-08 01:31:04)
AHAHHAAHAHHAHA
Anon (2011-04-20 21:32:39)
AWESOME!
LMAO (2011-04-05 12:30:28)
"Don't Worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." lmao how do you think this shit up- I'm in my office laughing, I think people are looking
Boone (2011-04-05 07:06:05)
This will keep me laughing the rest of the day, like the Vegan Housemate did yesterday. Epic lulz!
Airdudewolff (2011-02-26 10:29:51)
...imagine how Gary feels...hide my weed and bong... i have a criminal record too... You make it sound so easy, brah. Ballin' the way you switch points like that.
S (2011-02-25 14:24:49)
A single guppy in a 55 gallon tank. Thats freaken hilarious! Actually this describes some Youtubers who get outraged you do not have your single fish in anything less than a ten gallon tank. Yes there are freaks like this out there.
melissa (2011-02-24 01:40:00)
you are amazing dude, I have abs from laughing
Tristan (2011-02-23 23:09:50)
I read, Easy and Reliable "Pet Shitter"
EMMYFACE (2011-02-21 23:54:11)
" I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. " lololol
anonymous (2011-02-19 21:31:39)
" just tell the police that I hired you to take care of my fish" LOL! yes so easy to believe hahahaha
Spongebob (2011-02-16 18:52:04)
Lol, that guy isn't a retard one. That made it funnier ^^
grace (2011-01-29 01:49:14)
Do you know how expensive it is to pay an escort service for sex? HAHAHAHA LMFAO!!!
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Great site!! this shits funny as hell
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Ja, sannsynligvis sa det er
nate (2011-01-17 01:44:33)
please come out with more man. shits hysterical
Gary The Guppy (2011-01-02 21:39:22)
LOL IF I DIE, MY MOTHER IS GOING TO KILL THAT PET SITTER XD XD XD XD
mary jo (2011-01-02 01:03:01)
this should be top rated. ha ha. ha ha.
Brett (2011-01-01 23:48:41)
She should use the bong to smoke the weed of course. Only logical thing to do in that situation
luke (2010-12-30 23:33:57)
LOL I left some weed and a bong on the counter... could you hide them for me?
stranger danger (2010-12-27 20:06:37)
hmm, stranger's got a point
hsoij (2010-12-13 06:33:33)
This one was a bit under-average. I'm used to witty and original trolling on this website.
Just a girl (2010-11-28 11:14:52)
This is hilarious: so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes I hate that I laughed at it tho!
whattup! (2010-11-21 04:46:17)
"do you have any idea how expensive it is for an escort service?" I believe that would be the extent of it being a believable request. Oh wait nevermind, way earlier.
person (2010-11-20 20:01:53)
lol "It is on the wall with the shotguns."
gab (2010-11-18 22:26:22)
I was going to get the window replaced with a wall anywaysssss lmaaaooooo
Evan Baruch (2010-11-16 00:32:49)
This is the funniest conversation on this site. "How about you smash the window, run in, feed the fish, and run out before they (the police) get there?" - This was my favorite part. This is absolutely hilarious. LOL
anonymous (2010-11-08 13:40:32)
"and maybe stuff some flowers in the bong so they think it is a vase. " I died laughing.
alex (2010-10-26 15:43:58)
i like the part about the unlocked shed full of shotguns.
amlan (2010-10-24 01:27:49)
a guppy in A 55 gallon tank .....EPIC ......LOL
anonymous (2010-10-13 23:30:48)
A single guppy in a 55 gallon tank. Thats freaken hilarious!
best line (2010-10-12 04:31:03)
Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes.
AssassinJordi (2010-10-10 16:58:04)
''Just tell the police I hired you to take care of my fish.''
Cyber Terrorist (2010-10-08 21:57:34)
OMG I fucking cried!! Laughing of course.
LOL (2010-10-07 19:26:10)
HAHAHA AMAZING ENDING!!! The girlfriend would never believe the stupid story and blame the fish sitter fo sho
gary (2010-09-30 04:40:08)
poor Gary goldfish...
anonymous (2010-09-25 14:09:00)
The ending is hilarious!
loler911 (2010-09-22 04:15:18)
a s s h o l e !!!!! I LOVE YOU
Sector (2010-09-08 06:33:38)
ahahah this is awesome:D
cleetus (2010-09-07 21:19:27)
Ahh yes "Stranger" but you didnt take into account the " Stupid" variable
Jack (2010-09-07 21:04:58)
dammit... shit my myself again... you mother fucker!
Jack (2010-09-07 21:04:54)
dammit... shit my myself again... you mother fucker!
Jack (2010-09-07 21:04:52)
dammit... shit my myself again... you mother fucker!
david s. (2010-09-05 00:03:29)
I cant stop laughing, love this kinda shit.
stranger (2010-08-25 12:37:55)
I'm really surprised that most people who you write to get really mad and start swearing when you propose something really stupid. Wouldn't a person normally just politely refuse the offer or laugh or something?
hatespink (2010-08-12 20:53:49)
lolololololololololololol....roflroflroflroflroflroflroflrofl
Frenchie (2010-07-25 22:41:10)
"I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." PURE GENIUS
Nastia (2010-07-18 22:49:01)
soooo funny
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it cut my band name off The Pussyfucs, The Pioneers of Suc Rawk
bigpunkdrummer (2010-07-18 15:44:37)
I agree with "Still Laughing" "I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. " PRICELESS. If I had a vagina I would marry you. Check out my band we suc
anonymous (2010-07-18 04:29:00)
...
nick (2010-07-16 16:10:32)
i would actually probably do that for him haha of course someone would have to be retarded not to know this is not serious
missfouroclock (2010-07-13 13:41:39)
"just stuff some flowers in the bong so they'll think it's a vase" LOVE THAT! I totally want a bong vase now... that'll fool 'em!
ray (2010-07-12 15:25:09)
lolWhen we get back home and I find the dead fish, I'll have no choice but to explain to my girlfriend that I hired you to take care of the fish and you let him die. I will give her your phone number and let you two sort things outDon't you fuckin
chill (2010-07-05 18:02:57)
I just love how casually he says "It is on the wall with the shotguns." Loving this site.
hater_of_dumbasses (2010-07-05 16:51:30)
@Cheddarr: Spelling fail. the word "opinion" has one P. Count 'em. One.
Cheddarr (2010-06-30 19:52:00)
@Not Mike: Oppinion Fail
Krust E Krotsh (2010-06-30 16:02:19)
'replace the window with a wall, so my girlfriend can't look outside while doing the dishes' genius response!
Not Mike (2010-06-29 21:33:33)
hey, this Mike is a real asshole. what a pathetic douche to waste peoples time with this shit.
Who (2010-06-24 03:41:19)
"I will give her your phone number and let you two sort things out" that made my day!
omg (2010-06-21 20:07:30)
this made my year... and i'm srs :(
Ryan (2010-06-20 12:32:43)
I love how the pet sitter wanted 140 bucks to take care of a guppy for a few weeks, he should have blasted her on that
Kamran (2010-06-12 15:07:04)
"The fish is a guppy but it lives in a 55 gallon tank, so you probably can't move it. " I think that is the best line LOLO
Peggy (2010-06-11 05:12:46)
And once again you are successful at getting the desired response! I love you, lmao.
Relax (2010-06-09 19:42:57)
Good one :DD
Luke (2010-06-04 17:35:30)
You seem to live in my area, due to area codes...this freaks me out...
Jen MT (2010-06-03 13:56:11)
LMFAO!!!
catsplatflat (2010-05-31 15:52:56)
holy crap talk about escalation of teh absurd...
gary (the fish) (2010-05-26 18:20:55)
soooo hungry
Kalergis (2010-05-23 22:09:24)
" Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." HAHAHA!
Nick (2010-05-22 20:36:45)
LOL
Koen (2010-05-08 05:59:07)
I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. Amazing!
DeWayne (2010-05-07 18:42:23)
One guppy in a 55 gallon tank lmfao!
Doc Holliday (2010-04-24 13:54:08)
The HIDDEN weapons and HAIRCUT AD emails had me laughing at my computer. i dont laugh out loud but your dry humor on the SPOON KNIFE made me ball out laughing. I looked insane but I didnt care
anonymous (2010-04-21 00:04:06)
"I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. " HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
mynameisjessica (2010-04-19 21:41:11)
ha has anyone realized most of the people seem calm and reasonable in the beginning and end up cussing and freaking out? lol im a dork for saying tht
jack army (2010-03-31 05:45:15)
quality
hahaha (2010-03-30 13:58:52)
epic win
Xochitl (2010-03-17 08:00:19)
don't you fucking dare you stupid mother fucker! right on the NERVES of the stupid 17 year old girl scout!!!
Xochitl (2010-03-17 07:58:26)
WOW :) LOL
Seriously (2010-03-13 20:58:35)
You can hate America and Americans all you want. We honestly don't fucking care. We realise that you have to make up for all of your countries shortcomings somehow.
Nick (2010-03-08 09:12:39)
"I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. " HILARIOUS!
dahnnylia (2010-03-08 04:41:04)
nice one!! funny
Th. (2010-03-04 09:10:57)
Black sheep is eating dogs
DeMoN (2010-03-03 05:43:06)
I love how these people are pushed to the edge until they just crack! HAHA I dont know how he comes up with this shit! Too damn funny!
djs (2010-03-02 23:03:21)
legit was sitting in the computer lab in my college crying i was laughing soo hard funniest story so far XD
Mikaaayy, dood ! (2010-03-02 02:54:09)
So wuts wrong with looking out the window when doing the dishes.. >?? haha
Steelers (2010-03-01 14:17:25)
Like the Jerky Boys of email. Aucking fwesome. More, please!
Mac (2010-02-26 15:10:01)
oh man these are gold
nagz (2010-02-25 10:52:07)
just fuckin unbelievable! :D this dude is the best (reminds me on good ol' days when i used to work at tech.support)
Chez (2010-02-22 20:48:48)
Way to spell yankee...
HU (2010-02-22 08:19:27)
Saw this on the hollywood undead website too.. and they're pretty fucking awesome.
Abdul (2010-02-21 16:54:32)
You Yankies are stupid,
Funnybutimskeptical (2010-02-18 21:13:54)
I don't believe these are real because i don't think the lady would lose her calm like that, she would most likely say "I am going to have to decline your offer, please don't contact me again" or some other cheesy pet-sitter response.
Dita (2010-02-15 22:12:40)
The fish's name is Gary. So funny.
dilbert (2010-02-14 19:41:21)
These stories would be funny if they were true, which they are not.
@notevenfunny (2010-02-14 15:12:45)
Then don't read it! These are hilarious I can't believe how funny these are. I stumbled upon this from the hollywood undead website can't believe how good it is.
Ben (2010-02-14 13:11:51)
These are great! You are a genius!
lol (2010-02-14 06:18:37)
@not even funny...: You're probably a moron who has fallen for a similar prank if it offends you so much.
not even funny... (2010-02-13 08:21:09)
I'll better dig out bloodninja chat archive, or TPB email exchange with RIAA than read some sick prank without imagination get a life, jerk
PooPoo (2010-02-10 19:55:30)
FUNNY STUFF!
Yessa (2010-02-10 11:38:55)
1337 @frederick the n00b , Please take your hand off your PeeTah, GEEK
hi_d (2010-02-08 22:25:43)
i love this. like honestly this is the best one yet.
Insuffalate (2010-02-06 19:59:05)
Great I was just about to snort these rails here, but read, "I will give her your phone number and let you two sort things out." which made me laugh so hard I blew all my coke away.
Tico (2010-02-03 18:32:49)
... don't you fucking dare you stupid motherfucker!! Good one!! what a good one!
jim (2010-02-02 11:09:03)
this cant be real
thorndale (2010-02-01 17:34:33)
I love that the area code is 610 and near an acme...gotta love chester county
treefiddie (2010-02-01 13:29:58)
Nice to see the quality is back...Great one
Jews are evil (2010-02-01 03:23:29)
more please
anonymously yours (2010-01-30 22:11:43)
o wow! this is a good one! nice touch about not wanting the gf looking out the window and especially the escort service!!! lmfao
JRock (2010-01-23 18:26:19)
LMFAO - this site is awesome !! Please keep posting !!
JRock (2010-01-23 18:25:07)
LMFAO - this site is awesome !! Please keep posting !!
BigCow. (2010-01-23 02:11:20)
Your hellbanned
fucking cock (2010-01-22 18:56:58)
more nug more i need my fix!!!!!!!!
An (2010-01-22 15:01:10)
My goodness, you're so funny. Please post more.
MIMI (2010-01-21 21:27:53)
Lmao. I loved this one. He doesn't want his gf looking out the window when she does dishes. hahahaha
Unhappy customer (2010-01-21 20:14:33)
Post a new one you fucking faggot
Bkj (2010-01-21 17:27:15)
Yes, do one a day.
HK (2010-01-21 13:08:49)
If you could do at least one of these per day, that would be great. Thanks!
LOL! (2010-01-21 10:56:50)
Why don't you feel comfortable breaking a window? Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. FTW!
Jeff (2010-01-21 06:53:50)
You have to do one from the "barter" section there, or the "Women meet Men/Men meeting Women" sections...those would be hilarious. Casual Encounters is always a fun one too.
Lolretards (2010-01-21 05:14:36)
Point taken.
lolllll (2010-01-20 20:30:20)
it's loltards.... not lolretards.... you retard.
Lolretards (2010-01-20 14:34:21)
The shit you guys get up to in the comments is so pathetic that it's actually funnier than Mike's posts.
javiolion AKA THE JI (2010-01-20 01:01:01)
hi my name is samantha and the wording of this makes me think of a time i had with my left hand and a bottle of jack daniles and a stripper/.....FML
Gary (2010-01-19 19:57:06)
The part about the weed and the bong was great. I like that the fish was named Gary, as well.
luenatic (2010-01-19 17:50:35)
can't believe this shit is blowing up bro
mr fuzzyboomboom (2010-01-18 17:15:11)
"Don't you fucking dare you stupid motherfucker!!!!"
1337 @frederick the n00b (2010-01-18 15:20:53)
The rss works if you codex the cdm firewall in your browser's proxy cache tray. Try to ping the external server's hard drive and cpu the mobo from the system cookies. :P
issah (2010-01-18 14:23:37)
hello how are you doing today i am issah and i am 18 years old of age i am interesting in friends
Heather (2010-01-18 02:34:59)
I think I'm in love with you Mike... ;] This is seriously some of the funniest shit I've ever read. Thanks a ton!
JimJap (2010-01-17 18:19:59)
Wow, this is my first time reading one of these and I now understand the reason behind the name of the blog. When e-mailed by an asshole just DON'T EVEN REPLY. Amazing. . .
BigHen (2010-01-17 14:24:47)
You are my hero!!!!!
Ya dumbfucks (2010-01-17 08:28:00)
Just type www.dontevenreply.com/rss,99819 into your address bar (with the http shit in front of it) and there, you have it. Is it so fucking hard? Didn't think so.
@fredrick (2010-01-16 20:09:47)
Fredrick here is the RSS feed I made a link.."LINK TO RSS FEED" copy and paste this into your browser. If it does not work try putting a 1 in front of it. Good luck my friend.
Tommy Boy (2010-01-16 16:39:35)
@Frederick: Maybe you shoud ask a friend to teach how to point and click with a mouse. Even retards can learn that. RSS link works for me.
Frederick the retard (2010-01-16 12:08:27)
I can't get the RSS link to work because I'm too retarded.
Proudly Perverted (2010-01-16 07:34:00)
I am gay, but if I was even more gay, I would post a comment on here.
Ed (2010-01-15 16:45:43)
You really should put digg button on every single one of your posts, I bet it would get you a ton of traffic, and a bunch of your posts would go viral.
dummy (2010-01-15 13:37:16)
hey stupid! hurry up and post so i can breathe again !!!on-do-le
frederick sucks dick (2010-01-15 11:02:46)
dude, quit your bitch'n homo
JAMBALAYA (2010-01-15 01:15:46)
MY IP ADDRESS IS 68.232.127.86 AND IM A FAGGOT
ifitsrongyilafsohard (2010-01-14 21:09:15)
I found this site only a few days ago. I've already read every post and can't wait for the next one. You're brilliant! (and very, very sick)
Claire (2010-01-14 18:16:21)
I love how he called her "selfish". Pun!
dumbgirl (2010-01-14 16:52:21)
The girl is the idiot. Does she not realize how big a 55 gallon tank would be.
Peter (2010-01-14 16:35:15)
@Frederick: The RSS link works fine for me. What are you just stupid or something?
Derb (2010-01-14 13:32:35)
Nice one J, a guppy in a 55 G tank and she had to try to hide drugs. Jennifer would have to earn that 10 bills. Good one throwing in the escort as a solution for no sex.
Fredrick (2010-01-13 23:20:21)
Hey asshole, instead of a "Store" link where I can buy your shit, why not make an RSS feed so I don't have to keep your damn page open all the time?
Paula (2010-01-13 18:50:20)
Kudos to Jennifer - she has balls!
Jaysin (2010-01-13 16:40:37)
@Ray: Just so everyone knows, Google populates those ads based on the contents of the page, they aren't random. So because he was talking about fish and guppies, there is an ad for fish supplies.
ray (2010-01-13 13:11:36)
I love how on the left side of this page right now there's an ad for aquarium supplies. You can't plan shit like that.
trini (2010-01-13 07:46:38)
55 gallon tank.....i wish she went off on that...excellent work
Paul (2010-01-13 02:35:09)
"I have a criminal record TOO..."
anonymous (2010-01-12 19:21:35)
test
Still...Laughing (2010-01-12 17:16:46)
"Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes." HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
LOUISIANA BOI (2010-01-12 17:09:41)
OMFG, "I'm going to replace that kitchen window with a wall so that my GF can look outside when she's doing the dishes." LMAO fucking retarded. How she didnt notice that. EPIC
The Goon (2010-01-12 15:29:22)
Wow, that's not nice! This poor girl only wanted to pet sit, and here you're asking her to participate in criminal activity! SHAME ON YOU!
Dutch (2010-01-12 15:01:05)
Get him a body bag!
Dutch (2010-01-12 15:00:56)
Get him a body bag!
Fluffy (2010-01-12 15:00:27)
Jennifer turned down her last job too. I'm dead now.
Casey Johnson (2010-01-12 14:44:53)
I'm cold.
Halitosis (2010-01-12 12:02:15)
Sooooo good. You have redeemed yourself SGT. Partlow.
Zepex (2010-01-12 06:16:43)
Best one...
Jeroen (2010-01-12 05:01:58)
Hilarious is all I need to say. XD
Gary (2010-01-11 20:54:39)
I'm hungry.
Aaron (2010-01-11 20:53:27)
Money.
jimmy (2010-01-11 18:19:56)
something awful
Peter (2010-01-11 16:47:11)
I think it would have been funnier if you pretended your fish was something like a mako shark that lives in a room-sized tank, and the sitter had to feed it dead fish. Or kittens.
Who cares... (2010-01-11 16:39:34)
... about gay ass baseball?
matt (2010-01-11 14:57:08)
all i am sayin is GO PHILLIES! right? i mean come on! who'se with me?
ssk (2010-01-11 14:27:18)
that "rectified" the previous post:) the wall/dishes idea was brilliant!
yodelayheehoo (2010-01-11 13:32:42)
wall was nice touch, NOW HURRY UP AND POST MORE OFTEN!!!
bigdaddy (2010-01-11 12:51:20)
Now that was funny. Not as funny as barter my whore wife but funny
@RSS Idiots (2010-01-11 12:22:35)
The RSS works fine. How stupid are you? You must need someone to hold your little hand.
Duuuuur (2010-01-11 11:32:32)
Fantastic
lol (2010-01-11 05:08:18)
@the idiots who try to click on the RSS link.
Big H (2010-01-10 23:50:25)
"Stick the flowers in the bong so they think its a vase." This is great
RSS (2010-01-10 23:29:09)
RSS! RSS! RSS! Link not working! RSS!
I am an idiot (2010-01-10 22:46:56)
hey thare trooooollllllllllls
Zander (2010-01-10 22:31:40)
Damn't, I didn't get first. Time to jack off to the Sear's Catalog.
Internet comments (2010-01-10 21:03:50)
Trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls.
Dun de can (2010-01-10 17:33:33)
It's funny because he wants her to break inside his house, but that would be illegal.
chiharuchan (2010-01-10 17:07:04)
you need a better hobby you jackhole!! %Pr
Don Keen (2010-01-10 15:29:39)
Where is Duncan?
andromeda (2010-01-10 08:03:16)
I really enjoyed this one, cause it's getting better and better as you go through the conversation towards the inevitable end :D :D :D Hahaahhahahahaha...
@GupGup (2010-01-10 05:45:46)
Don't insult my mother, asshole. You didn't see me insulting yours, hopefully I won't have to resort to that.
ellasmity (2010-01-10 05:35:04)
that shit was solid. you made my day!
thejackyl (2010-01-10 03:27:39)
I love how you threw in that part about the girlfriend doing the dishes and the pet sitter didn't even pick up on it. Classic.
missy (2010-01-10 03:05:32)
It's been a while since I've read one of these emails that was finally able to make me laugh.
Ron (2010-01-10 00:19:48)
Not much makes me laugh any more but this sure did
Darxink (2010-01-09 23:25:44)
I think this was your best work out of what I've read (probably 50%). So scientifically thought out with the 55 gallon tank cover and the weed thing, smart guy.
chirpy (2010-01-09 22:08:06)
I love you boo boo bear AKA Justin John Vaughan
GupGup (2010-01-09 22:07:15)
yo momma's a guppy
NEW FAN (2010-01-09 22:06:43)
Please do more...and more often!!!!! Great stuff!
JohnnySak (2010-01-09 20:40:49)
Mike - Love your sh*t, dude. Keep it rolling!
Muyi (2010-01-09 19:04:39)
I must say this one has an awesome ending
Muyi (2010-01-09 19:02:41)
I must say this one has an awesome ending
HUH? (2010-01-09 18:29:08)
HER*, Laughing too hard, couldn't concentrate.
HUH? (2010-01-09 18:28:38)
LOL AT HER GIVING YOU YOUR NUMBER.
Oneaday (2010-01-09 18:06:50)
From now on I want a new post everyday!!!
anonymous123 (2010-01-09 17:18:56)
Very Funny!!
Meh (2010-01-09 12:19:34)
This is meh, the only funny stuff is the comments now...
Bubba (2010-01-09 10:42:23)
I don't get it
WARNING!!! (2010-01-09 10:20:16)
Don't drink coffee while reading this!
Captain Clark (2010-01-09 08:14:58)
That thing where the girl ties a belt around your neck and tinkles on a balloon.
anonymous (2010-01-09 07:06:40)
neither are this comments for real, how can you tell that all this comments aren't written by only one person ? ._.
Bert (2010-01-09 05:17:50)
I don't think these conversations are for real. They always end in the same way, the victim always uses the same words et cetera. But nevertheless nice stories and fun to read :))
ygoloycysp esrever (2010-01-09 04:43:23)
Very good, but please don't post these so frequently.
Poop Monster (2010-01-09 03:22:10)
I think this was funny, but as said previously, it would have been funnier a week ago. Or a week and a half ago.
Malaktose (2010-01-09 01:47:17)
HAHAHA, Gary (The Guppy)
Tony Yayo (2010-01-08 22:40:30)
AAAAAwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeesssssssooooommmmmmmeeeee
xXMcFatsoXx (2010-01-08 22:02:55)
Wow this is the funniest shit since the christmas catering and also i am ordering two le sandwich rogues tomarrow lol
Buttface McGee (2010-01-08 21:54:08)
Make one every day, just fucking do it. I hate this waiting 2 weeks bullshit.
fish (2010-01-08 21:31:34)
feed meee
blah (2010-01-08 21:30:32)
...ehh..bottom of the list
Jennifer (2010-01-08 20:58:31)
I meant "Don't you fucking dare you stupid mother fucker! I'll take the job!
pus (2010-01-08 20:46:23)
$10 a day to give a pinch of foood? That's a bigger ripoff than a escort service.
Tyrone (2010-01-08 20:39:24)
Yo Mike, I break dat window and feed yo fish if getta keep da weed and bong.
me (2010-01-08 20:12:35)
That was great
Yes Please! (2010-01-08 19:36:02)
I love her last response!!!
Nick (2010-01-08 18:01:51)
LOL - best one yet, keep it up!
HILARIOUS (2010-01-08 17:58:28)
This is an instant classic! Window replaced with a wall line is priceless. How do you come up with that shit?! Please keep them coming! Your fans were getting restless between the last post and these ones.
Pete (2010-01-08 16:47:35)
I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes. HAHA!!!
Lizzzzie111 (2010-01-08 15:56:06)
So freaking funny...think about "Gary" the Guppy!
Puck (2010-01-08 15:38:41)
This is the funniest site ever!!! Keep 'em rolling in!!
asdf (2010-01-08 15:31:09)
You are a legend! This site makes my life worth living.
Ty1001 (2010-01-08 15:08:58)
One of the best ones!
Prowler (2010-01-08 15:06:06)
I should build a wall in my kitchen. My girlfriend always looks out the window when she should be washing.
nate (2010-01-08 14:41:04)
best one yet
SpongeBobo (2010-01-08 14:26:59)
Hilarious as always :D
ktl (2010-01-08 14:11:47)
nice!
gb (2010-01-08 14:02:49)
she should just show the transcript to the heat, and 'ask them what to do' - all innnocent of course.
gb (2010-01-08 14:02:29)
she should just show the transcript to the heat, and 'ask them what to do' - all innnocent of course.
123 (2010-01-08 13:32:42)
Don't you fucking dare you stupid mother fucker!
zsasz (2010-01-08 13:32:03)
bwahahaha...best final message in a long time.
HILARIOUS! (2010-01-08 13:28:24)
lol.. this makes me laugh so hard.. becuase the girl is all sweet and innocent.. and then on the last post she just freaks out! soooo funny! "Don't you fucking dare you stupid mother fucker!"
TRB (2010-01-08 13:06:37)
Best one yet!!
SevenCross (2010-01-08 12:49:13)
This site makes the work week go by so much better!
Kayylaa (2010-01-08 12:39:01)
Funniest shit ever. Haha, "Dont you dare you stupid mother fucker!"
Joejew (2010-01-08 12:22:14)
good one
jr (2010-01-08 12:21:03)
funny shit

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