DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Innovative Baby Products
Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
charmingdateKelo (2017-08-22 12:18:52)
town center rubble because of Newtown "we a group of band members for all around area, but none of them folks tend to the guru's, shows the area group chief. "What's the greatest thing we carry out as apposed to giving lots of money,
Roseanna (2017-08-20 22:57:53)
Nike Cowboys 4 Dak Prescott Navy Blue Team Color Youth Stitched NFL Elite Jersey.China Nike Redskins 24 Josh Norman Black Mens Stitched NFL Elite Pro Line Gold Collection Jersey, NHL, MLB, NCAA, and other Nike Eagles 9 Nick Foles White Mens Stitched
love-sietsKelo (2017-08-18 04:34:53)
Dopdoingg sports BullsFan22 has written:book such a narrative is much more everyday in the usa. many people like a proper 'comeback' tale also NBC is going to clapboard a towards, among other things. NBC speaks so highly of amateur dramatics a
LarryHeere (2017-07-30 07:31:19)
Хотим предложить вам чудодейственное средство для похудения Mangoosteen. С ним можно избавиться от 10 kg за 14 суток. Дерево мангустин растет в Таиланде. Плоды данного дерева обладают потрясающими свойствами, которые были положены в основу средства Ma
LarryHeere (2017-07-27 18:46:23)
Предлагаем вам чудодейственное средство для похудения Mangoosteen. С ним реально избавиться от 10 kg за недели. Растение мангустин растет на Шри-Ланке. Плоды этого дерева имеют потрясающие особенности. Во флакончике имеется около 20 плодов этого замеч
Klara (2017-07-25 18:25:13)
Will be there one thing called as cat mario unblocked? Apparently, a lot of internet sites never present free service to users to play this online game. From the good sense, the game is not absolutely accessible on the internet and hardly ever,
Merlindiaws (2017-07-24 20:44:28)
[url=https://www.isabellabrancolini.it/images/originals/4374-adidas-gazelle-ii-originals.jpg]Adidas Gazelle Ii Originals[/url] Prevent using tobacco tobacco to keep your memory from getting negatively affected. Research has shown that the memory space o
Chau (2017-07-21 09:00:03)
Is there one thing known as cat mario unblocked? It seems that, a great deal of websites never provide no cost premises to people to perform the game. Within the sensation, the overall game is just not entirely on the net and seldom, sure hardly
Glennspany (2017-07-12 00:49:02)
nfl kickers brothers https://www.gradeajerseys.net cheap nfl jerseys
Raymond (2017-07-04 17:44:30)
Could there be something called as cat mario unblocked? Apparently, lots of web sites will not supply no cost capability to customers to try out the sport. Within the perception, the video game is just not thoroughly accessible on the internet and
Mammie (2017-07-01 12:33:39)
Could there be something known as cat mario unblocked? Seemingly, loads of sites will not give free of charge facility to customers to spend time playing this online game. Within the feeling, this online game is not thoroughly available on the web
Justinslabs (2017-06-13 03:19:42)
Head of hair, as everyone knows, can be [url=https://wigsforwomenblack.us/]Wigs For Women[/url] every person's crowning glory. Over time, for women who live slaved [url=https://especiallyyourswigs.us/]Wigs For Women[/url] concerning this, shelling out
Beatrice (2017-06-12 18:41:53)
Is there anything called as cat mario unblocked? Obviously, loads of web sites fail to give free of charge facility to people to play this online game. On the sensation, the sport is not really entirely available on the web and rarely, indeed hardly
Rolando (2017-06-10 08:27:37)
cheap china nhl jerseys - Take jersey,and enjoy our inexpensive football jerseys 79% off.
Alejandro (2017-06-08 18:07:01)
90 Michael Johnson Jersey | Welcome to Buy Champion Jerseys site - one of the best cheap champion jerseys suppliers on the Internet. We specialise in the manufacture and supply of top quality cheap offer.
Jim (2017-06-08 15:48:15)
jersey knit infinity scarves wholesale.Buy Nfl Jerseys Wholesale Free Shipping from China wholesale jersey usa us factory, free shipping and easy returns also best service.
Jayne (2017-06-06 04:20:19)
Nike Steelers 84 Antonio Brown YellowBlack 80TH Anniversary Throwback Mens Stitched NFL Elite Jersey.2 Isiah Ferguson Jersey, cheap baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer jerseys with affordable price, buy Nike Cowboys 4 Dak Prescott White
Maryellen (2017-06-03 23:21:57)
wholesale jersey fabric.China Nike Raiders 24 Charles Woodson Black Team Color Mens Stitched NFL Elite Jersey, NHL, MLB, NCAA, and other Nike Steelers 7 Ben Roethlisberger Black Team Color Mens Stitched NFL Game Jersey from best jerseys suppliers
JamesCrota (2017-06-03 15:16:29)
АлкоБарьер – эффективное средство, которое выводит токсины из организма и устраняет тягу к спиртному. Янтарная кислота и фибрегам в составе АлкоБарьера выводят токсины из организма после приема алкогольных напитков и оказывают общеукпрепляющее действие. У
Ross (2017-05-27 12:20:16)
cheap jerseys king | Jayson DiManche Jersey,Wholesale Nike NFL, NHL, MLB, NBA, NCAA, Levi Norwood Jersey Online. More Details, Contact US!
Abdul (2017-05-19 13:26:41)
Nike Texans 99 J.J. Watt Navy Blue Team Color Mens Stitched NFL Limited Strobe Jersey.59 Luke Kuechly Jersey authentic china online,Custom personalized Nike Redskins 8 Kirk Cousins Burgundy Red Team Color Mens Stitched NFL Elite Jersey from us.
Colette (2017-05-11 04:57:37)
Will be there some thing known as cat mario unblocked? Seemingly, lots of web sites never give cost-free area to customers to relax and play the overall game. Within the sense, the sport is not really completely available on the internet and almost
Kevin (2017-05-05 18:48:20)
Will there be a little something called as cat mario unblocked? It seems that, loads of web pages usually do not supply absolutely free area to people to play this game. From the feeling, the video game is not absolutely on the net and scarcely,
Venetta (2017-05-05 18:06:41)
Can there be a little something known as cat mario unblocked? Reportedly, many sites tend not to give cost-free center to individuals to spend time playing the video game. In the sensation, the video game will not be thoroughly available on the web
Aklomerzaer (2017-04-26 17:48:48)
Доброго всем времени суток! Когда только начинал заниматься форексом, пользовался книгами, рекомендованными в этом блоге (ссылка внизу). Уважаемые господа модераторы! Если ответил не в той теме, просьба не удалять сообщение, а перенести в правильный р

View all comments
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks