DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Innovative Baby Products
Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
Felfrhili (2016-11-29 21:03:55)
Many are unsure with what he will bring to the field. The New York Jets won 27 23, the win earned them a trip to AFLNFL championship game, which was for the first time was officially being called Super Bowl.Now, when conditions are right, it will travel t
GregoryGrano (2016-11-22 23:09:28)
This particular lace wig appearance quite [url=https://wigsforwomenblack.us/]Wigs For Women[/url] practical and is constructed from stylish lace fabric having the authentic appear. Not merely this gives an all-natural persona but it additionally render a
Gregoryjax (2016-11-17 03:43:01)
This kind of lace wig seems quite [url=https://wigsforwomenblack.us/]Wigs For Women[/url] reasonable and is made of stylish lace fabric getting the original appear. Not simply this will give an organic persona but it also deliver a stylish turn to [url=ht
Justinmiz (2016-11-05 21:04:43)
musical technology artist over April linked 2012, for the first time in SIX various years. Bonnie went back and her 'Slipstream' scan. Bonnie Raitt eventually arrived after having a long wreck from the background music populace. your woman supp
GregoryGrano (2016-11-05 08:45:14)
This kind of lace wig appearance very [url=https://wigsforwomenblack.us/]Wigs[/url] sensible and is manufactured out of advanced lace materials obtaining the original look. Not merely this offers an all-natural persona additionally it provide a fashionabl
Gregoryjax (2016-11-05 07:38:54)
This particular lace wig appearance quite [url=https://wigsforwomenblack.us/]Human Hair Wigs[/url] realistic and is made from advanced lace material obtaining the initial look. Not merely this gives an organic character it also render a trendy look for [u
alompadeolo (2016-10-19 21:47:46)
With the third group of five balls, forget the other two thoughts and concentrate on your target. These statistics can be kept very easily on a regular scorecard.I'm sure you are beginning to see why hypnosis is indeed the key to playing great golf. Y
Alinka UncOT (2016-10-19 06:58:28)
Как создать стильный образ
StevenGrord (2016-10-08 04:34:22)
Юридические услуги Все мы на сегодняшний день проживаем в грамотном мире, где нам приходится сталкиваться с разными юридическими тонкостями. Необходимо поведать, что не любой человек может разбираться в этих терминах. И следовательно каждому из нас ну
embellnuh (2016-10-06 23:34:51)
Peter which houses the 15th century paintings like the The Last Supper and the Martyrdom of Saint Erasmus. Often expensive players at the bigger clubs will score dramatically less than a first-team regular at one of the mid-table teams or even a relegatio
aggieVape (2016-09-23 11:41:02)
How Much Diazepam Gets You High Reset Weight Loss Shake Mix Vitamins . Omega 3 Statins Dosage New Imitrex Medication Cluster Headaches [url=https://www.simplebooking.it/pagebooking.aspx?GUID=7B132C38-6561-4AFC-B339-1D4207290A86&LANG=EN&REFCODE=MOBILESIT
Aloa (2016-09-22 12:45:27)
Нашла хорошие и интересные проекты в интернете. Делюсь с вами со всеми. Админы сайтов-не топайте лапками по клаве :) для вас я тоже постаралась найти вкусные и выгодные проекты. Хорошая бесплатная библиотека онлайн. Рекомендую тюнинговать мозг. Всегда и
alompadeolo (2016-09-19 21:00:08)
Oh yea, the joy of watching her struggle through a very good day time. Rooting for a baseball team in New York wasn't about what team was better, it was an absolute birthright..A trip to the physician’s office excitement me a great deal. The mos
Felfrhili (2016-09-17 18:36:03)
Do not wimp out on this shot as anything less than full commitment will leave you in the bunkerYou will have noticed all these shots are in the short game area and the reason for that is because that is where most of your strokes are played and wasted.In
embellnuh (2016-09-16 09:48:08)
Be sure to make sure they work together if you've got a tiny home.Numerous moons ago I had a pair of Sidi cycling sneakers which served me nicely for quite a few decades, however they were very old-fashioned looking. In passing the basketball, it must
alompadeolo (2016-09-16 02:51:10)
They are affected not only physically and mentally but they are also financially strained. In addition to what is already in the contest, participants are able to extract solid profits, they are given an unprecedented opportunity to express themselves aro
alompadeolo (2016-09-11 21:32:20)
Metatarsalgia Ball of Foot PainPain in the balls of the feet (Latin: Metatarsalgia) is a very common foot complaint, in particular for women. The finally announced stadiums were Soccer city in Johannesburg, Moses Mabhida Stadium in Durban, Cape town stad
embellnuh (2016-09-09 06:44:45)
This technique works best when the person you’re discussing the martial arts style or sport knows as little as you do about it. Key # 3- Weight training the abdominalsHere is where most people go wrong in their attempt to develop their abs. [url=htt
Felfrhili (2016-09-08 12:46:42)
Critics say this is irresponsible and only fosters denial of ?reality. If you do this consistently, you will not only begin to trust that you have the power to weather any storm, but you will discover that you have the capacity to catch the winds and harn
alompadeolo (2016-09-07 21:31:08)
This insight is a cocktail of key ingredients, each one necessary, none expendable. Without prompting or hesitation, our minds fly off into future imaginings of fearful outcomes, or they leap into past replays of negative experiences. If by yourself take
embellnuh (2016-09-05 18:23:08)
Keep an eye ahead the grab timing in addition adjust your death express if necessary. With the current climate of foreign investment in the English Premier League it can be argued that the situation that unfolded on the Scottish border could be replicated
alompadeolo (2016-09-05 11:38:32)
Stage 3 - Swiss BallDumbell Push-UpsNow that youve experienced instability at both ends of the push-up, its time to put them both together and feel the burn!Be sure you are comfortable with other two progressions before attempting this one and be sure you
Melagoantee (2016-09-05 11:00:36)
It really is the most cost efficient and quickest way to watch Puss in Boots and all the new hit movies out there. Other fibers sweep the waste products downstream to be more easily eliminated. Should you enhance your contribution then your insurance firm
alompadeolo (2016-09-02 05:00:02)
The Glazier family refinanced Manchester United's debts so that they owe 660 million pounds.There are generally many bowling alleys that may be found in any city. This is not advisable, since the bounce should be reserved for the true forehand drive,
embellnuh (2016-09-02 02:47:32)
474); and the Washington Wizards, the potential 8th seed are 17-20 (. Long rectangles make a nice canvas for marketing. Bandwidth is one of the most important services that a web host can provide and is usually measured in how bits are sent each second. [

View all comments
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks