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Hot Tub Repairman
Posted at: 2010-05-05 10:11:15
Original ad:
We are in need of someone who can fix our hot tub. If you know what you are doing, it is probably a fairly easy fix. The hot tub is about 11 years old and has a cracked pipe and a broken pipe. Also, some of the jets are not working (may be related to the pipe). We will pay for the parts. Please respond with an estimate for the cost of labor.

From Me to ********@**********.org:

Hello,

I am a certified hot tub repair technician and would be happy to help fix your hot tub. Please let me know if you are still looking for someone.

Thanks,

Mike

From Ellen ****** to Me:

Mike,

How much will you charge to fix it?

Ellen

From Me to Ellen ******:

Helen,

It seems like a simple fix, but it will be time consuming. I could charge you money, but I am more interested in barter, if you are willing to hear me out.

Mike

From Ellen ****** to Me:

Mike,

What are you looking to barter?

ELLEN

From Me to Ellen ******:

Helen,

All I want in return for fixing your hot tub is to let me use it occasionally when I am on a date.

I find it much easier to get chicks from the bar to come back to my place if I tell them I have a hot tub. The problem is, I live in a basement apartment and do not have a hot tub. Hot tubs are great for getting chicks drunk; something about drinking in a hot tub makes them get completely shitfaced without even knowing it. I don't know the science behind it, but it is a proven fact that bitches get more drunk in a hot tub. Before you know it, these chicks are passed out drunk and ready to fuck.

Don't worry, I won't need to use your house or anything when I get my fuck on; I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds.

So basically, in return for fixing your hot tub, all I ask is that you let me use it for 2-3 hours about four or five times a week.

Please let me know if this sounds fair to you.

Mike

From Ellen ****** to Me:

Absolutely not. Are you joking?

ELLEN

From Me to Ellen ******:

Helen,

Why not? I promise I won't pee in the hot tub. If I accidentally do, I promise I will add extra chlorine to balance out the urine levels. I won't shit in your hot tub either. If I have to take a shit, I'll do it in your bushes. Shit makes for great fertilizer.

Please help me out here. I can't use the old hot tub I used to go to because I was informed that I would be arrested if I stepped foot on that property again. I assure you I will have your hot tub running like new once I fix it.

Mike

From Ellen ****** to Me:

The concern of you pissing in my hot tub didnt even cross my mind, but I'm just going to add that to the list of reasons why I am against this. Most importantly - I will not let some creep bring women back to my house to rape them in my hot tub!

From Me to Ellen ******:

Whoa there, who said anything about rape? This is purely consensual.

From Ellen ****** to Me:

You said you wait until they pass out to have sex with them!

From Me to Ellen ******:

In the state of Pennsylvania, the law states that if you can get the girl back to a hot tub, it is considered to be sexual consent.

Look Helen, I'm just trying to fix your hot tub. Not get a lecture on ethics. Do you want your hot tub fixed or not?

Mike

From Ellen ****** to Me:

Not by you, you creep! and my name is ELLEN not Helen, you fuck!

From Me to Ellen ******:

My apologies, Ellen. I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name. Now how about answering my question?

From Ellen ****** to Me:

Go fuck yourself, loser.
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Comments:
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Диета. Минус 12 кг за 2 недели. Не скажу, что слишком часто, но у нас, у женщин,такое бывает. Закружившись в круговерти земных пролем и забот, вдруг вспоминаем, что близится какое-то важное событие и остаётся до него всего ничего - 2 недели. Что делать?
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Jessicaseit (2015-03-23 04:03:05)
Hello, guys! This area is extraordinary to me. I from conditions tried such things, so I don’t actually recognize what to write. Anyway… I’m Jessica. I’m unmarried and I commiserate with lonely and abandoned. I would like to contest an provocative and
Sohn (2013-08-03 15:46:16)
He should have left off with, "I wouldn't need too, if I only had a hot tub."
moose knuckle (2013-07-08 00:13:18)
Well done
Parker (2013-06-26 17:26:36)
I love how she keeps making her name more visible the more you call her Helen.
anonymous (2013-05-20 17:12:23)
b98u rttt[tt
Nosmo King (2013-03-27 11:28:20)
"In the state of Pennsylvania, the law states that if you can get the girl back to a hot tub, it is considered to be sexual consent." ROTFLMAO!
daniel (2013-03-09 22:39:21)
awesome
mihalis (2013-02-15 18:06:52)
EPIC!
Scott (2013-02-12 20:56:57)
Alright, I may have peed myself a bit on that one
Kittyjm (2013-02-06 22:45:50)
I am hooked on this site!!! I hope there is some new stuff added ASAP!!!
Ryan (2013-01-29 02:36:09)
"I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds." and " I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name." Omg I'm crying I laughed so hard...
Rosa (2013-01-13 01:32:42)
I'm going to he'll for laughing at all these, aren't I? Lol, love it!
Nate (2012-12-18 18:33:35)
"When I get my fuck on" Fucking insta-classic
dan69ger (2012-11-29 15:58:46)
If these are totally made up...I don't care. Not one bit. It's just pure damn hilarious and great to laugh.
McShitty.... (2012-11-16 01:29:30)
Britt brings up a couple good points....
James (2012-10-31 20:55:09)
I think it would be better if "britt" shut the hell up
Ellen (2012-09-06 09:12:20)
Don't call me HELEN
britt (2012-09-02 18:09:13)
your stuff is pretty amusing but i think you could make your pranks better by being more believable in the beginning and a little more Clever.
Josh (2012-09-01 15:18:52)
When I'm reading all the emails I laugh so hard and loud my parents go mad because I love this shit keep it coming mikey boyyy !!!!
max (2012-07-19 21:09:34)
"Shit makes for great fertilizer. " i cried lolll
am i the only one (2012-07-17 06:30:36)
hahaha. i laughed when he first called her helen and then in the next letter she wrote her name in caps :D
Ellen (2012-07-03 14:37:34)
Hahahahaha, "get my fuck on"...
HELEN (2012-06-20 05:30:40)
Best so far..!!! I always think about this one, can't get it out of my mind :-)))
Brendan (2012-06-16 05:57:24)
The funniest part of this is that he keeps calling her "Helen."
FAIL > XD < (2012-06-09 03:05:42)
Not by you, you creep! and my name is ELLEN not Helen, you fuck!
anonymous (2012-05-18 12:15:55)
I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name. !!!!!! and it sounds so authentic :D :D
pillow man (2012-05-17 15:08:32)
Mike my name is also Mike LOLz and u funny. I like when more E--mails ar on assswhole .cUm i like all of then and keep up the good work stay out of school don't get a lif and two more thin my name is mike and u crack me up
brad (2012-05-17 09:32:23)
to balance out the urine levels, loled
justin rozell (2012-04-30 16:40:08)
i cried. again.... shit makes me weak as fuck
Zorgoff (2012-04-27 13:57:13)
Pekay456 - I don't know dude, I meet people every day who are just this stupid, greedy, and clueless. Don't give credit where it isn't due.
pekay456 (2012-04-23 08:54:40)
Did this occur to anyone that these are totally made up. Duh
ELLEN (2012-03-12 16:55:52)
-.- ,,|,
anonymous (2012-03-10 10:36:07)
Don't worry, I won't need to use your house or anything when I get my fuck on; I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds. Hahaha. Btw Kim you gotta get laid.. Go to the bar and find a guy who has a hot tub
troll mc trollio (2012-03-01 18:40:38)
I TROLLED UUUUURYRTRGSDRJHSGHerwjkt4
Ian (2012-02-28 09:14:23)
@williamhung (it seems obvious you have a small one) you are in DIRE need of spelling lessons...
Ian (2012-02-28 09:12:49)
i would rather eat my own shit than ANYTHING from a mcdonald's...scumholes
Kris (2012-02-27 02:43:17)
@kim, u need to buy a joke book or order a sense of humor on amazon
Amazing (2012-02-07 23:35:41)
the McDicks part is so funny, and the shitting in the bushes so funny
Amazing (2012-02-07 23:33:40)
the McDicks part is so funny, and the shitting in the bushes so funny
chris (2012-02-02 18:08:17)
fuck u HELEN
anonymous (2012-01-27 00:21:01)
Hahaha! Drop them off at mcdonalds.. Then the state law shit ahaha
Eileen (2012-01-01 21:29:00)
Tilt
anonymous (2011-12-28 19:02:25)
"I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at McDonald's" becaise girls love waking up in a fast food resturant's parking lot with a hangover xD lol, I love this one
Velocikat (2011-12-28 18:58:10)
"Hot tubs are great for getting chicks drunk" so true ^.^
@Kim (2011-12-14 14:28:24)
Get that stick out of your fucking twat and lighten up!
lil (2011-12-13 02:15:09)
hahahahahaha!
Aussie13 (2011-12-10 09:07:36)
Why is this retarded CUNT getting so angry, Sex is normal her type ain't, I want those type of people dead :)
iolym (2011-12-04 19:01:02)
okmfyhifh
Rob (2011-11-18 22:16:56)
Lol...Kim, my dear, you are a fucking idiot!
ANONYMOUS#3 (2011-11-01 22:22:10)
Mike you rule! Plz put up more funny stuff like this. P.S. LMFAO
anonymous (2011-11-01 20:12:44)
I'm gay
williamhung (2011-10-14 10:00:15)
Kim...I think you are in dier need of a sense of humor.
sarah (2011-09-30 16:26:47)
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHH
Futt Bucker (2011-09-29 08:19:59)
Kim = Evolution epic fail.
Matthew (2011-09-28 13:44:06)
Kim, I think you're a little confused. These are not posted by the authors of the ads. Mike, the asshole who responds to all of these unsuspecting ads, really does email these people with the intent of getting them wound up. No, he's not serious.
Kim (2011-09-25 14:34:21)
ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT THIS CREEP ACTUALLY SENT THIS TO YOU? PEOPLE CANNOT EVEN BE SERIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO ACTUALLY WORKING. I AM SORRY YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH SUCH A SON OF A BITCHING LOSER AS THIS ONE. I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR HOT TUB FIXED
benji (2011-09-04 20:02:56)
" my name is ELLEN not Helen, you fuck" absolutely epic
Helen (2011-08-29 18:46:46)
smh
pimpalicious (2011-08-26 09:30:08)
d flow. more blood flowin to the brain whilst saturated with alcohol = gettin drunk much faster. jus putin that out there...
pimpalicious (2011-08-26 09:27:56)
dude...these emails are fuckin EPIC!!! "I can't use the old hot tub I used to go to because I was informed that I would be arrested if I stepped foot on that property again." lol!!! btw...hot tubs get u drunk faster cuz the heat increases bloo
anonymous (2011-08-19 04:57:00)
Helen
sex (2011-08-01 11:17:55)
sex
Amazing (2011-07-20 15:37:31)
These are so funny man, thank you so much.
meh (2011-07-17 22:21:49)
The only thing I'm wondering is what would he have done if she said yes?
Jack Tumult (2011-07-14 18:53:42)
You're a witty bastard man. I haven't had the opportunity to laugh this much in a long time.
[/B] HAHAHA [/B] (2011-07-06 14:37:14)
OMG I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR LAUGHING ON THE HARD WOOD FLOOR AND GOT A CONCUSSION AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL YOURE A ASSHOLE MIKE
Lilly (2011-07-02 19:10:14)
"I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name".....hahahahaha
Alex Smerdon (2011-06-15 13:15:08)
"I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds" bahahahahahhahaha
Ian (2011-06-06 21:38:41)
"I will not let some creep bring women back to my house to rape them in my hot tub!" - so unreasonable
SAS (2011-06-03 16:26:30)
helen! hhahahaha
*-* (2011-06-03 11:00:08)
And i won't shit in your hot tub ill turn around and shiy in YOUR bushes
***** (2011-06-03 02:17:28)
i am a hot tub repair person who lives in pa, it is so true
Awesome (2011-05-31 02:58:20)
I'm glad this woman has morals.
mel (2011-05-25 15:00:11)
I assumed you made a typo, sooooo funny!
anonymous (2011-05-06 08:18:03)
you get more drunk in a hot tub from the dehydration/heat
Lahlah (2011-05-06 00:37:28)
So true about getting drunk faster in a hot tub. It's weird
she-ra (2011-05-05 19:20:54)
"a typo when you spelled out your name" killer!
joolzy (2011-04-04 10:31:39)
I was merely pointing out that no editing of a side story had taken place. Simply that he chose to wind her up with that also. :-P
@Joolzy (2011-04-03 19:43:22)
Hoolzy, he doesn't address her by name until she replies back as Ellen. Idiot.
ish (2011-04-02 01:46:59)
I didn't even notice he was calling her Helen.
cdarbs (2011-03-30 15:21:09)
That you kept screwing with her correct name from the start had me laughing my ass off. That you told her you assumed a typo on her part-- I just lost it; completely lost it! Hilarious!
Joolzy (2011-03-29 11:42:23)
Fake: He addresses her as Helen from the start, that is why her response changes from capitals to bold also. icing on the cake is the incorrect name!! :D :D
fake (2011-03-24 09:17:42)
she goes from Ellen, to ELLEN, to [B] ELLEN [/B], to "my name is ELLEN not Helen, you fuck" feels like you edited some of the original story (if there was one) but its still hilarious
gjones (2011-03-22 08:03:28)
"Don't worry, I won't need to use your house or anything when I get my fuck on; I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds" That sir is amazingly funny
cheese (2011-03-21 16:25:34)
Damn I wish I lived in Pennsylvania. That hot tub law is sweet!
IpeeInHotTubs (2011-03-08 06:06:35)
The concern of you pissing in my hot tub didnt even cross my mind...greatest line ever. 575.
Josiah (2011-03-07 10:39:04)
LMAO... I love you Mike
Betty (2011-03-04 06:13:08)
PAHAHAHAHHA....am dying..Hellen! ROFL....
Starrnet (2011-02-27 09:10:04)
Hilarious Mike I couldn't stop dying over this... Haha so im so weak here
Sam (2011-02-19 18:45:15)
Have her/him give you a blow job Mike.
Me (2011-02-19 18:43:02)
Mike, your an asshole.
El (2011-02-19 17:03:54)
I was ag a boring meeting when I read this. Oh, gee, I thought I'd be fired. My face got red from trying to conceal thunderous laughter.
Joemama (2011-02-13 08:05:02)
Love the line,"If i have to take a shit I will do it in the bushes" That is a kicker!
bonus kong (2011-02-11 04:40:41)
shit in the bushes......
Tati (2011-02-02 16:16:00)
oh yeah got it,same name, would loveeeeeeeee to read it asap! this shit is soooo goddamn funny!!!!
Tati (2011-02-02 16:06:12)
hey,what's the name of the book?
shannon (2011-01-11 06:58:01)
omg that was the best..... i thought you misspelt your name hahaha
ajyo (2011-01-02 18:44:29)
LMAO!!!! have you guys read his book? its awesome! Its got the most hilarious material!
tyler grind. (2011-01-01 23:14:38)
Ive never had sex before because im 40 and am still a virgin but sex in a hot tub sounds so nice :) Ill have to look into being a hot tub repair man
EGJ5426 (2010-12-06 01:10:08)
WTF!!! lol xD he drops them off at a mcdonald's
avacados (2010-12-03 15:11:17)
Ellen ELLEN <b>ELLEN</b> LOL
anonymous (2010-11-30 13:28:44)
haha notice how she first caps her name and then caps and bolds it!!!!
Pork (2010-11-24 11:02:04)
LMAO genius
LOL (2010-11-09 20:52:04)
LOL Not by you, you creep! and my name is ELLEN not Helen, you fuck!
Yoshi (2010-11-07 14:34:26)
LOL And the sad thing is that there are people like the characters you play...sick and perverted..although..the way you write and the extremity of the content should set off a lightbulb...
anonymous (2010-11-07 01:56:09)
Why can't these people take a joke? What's wrong with them?
dfgfgf (2010-11-05 16:37:09)
41
anton (2010-11-02 22:21:22)
wow
DorothyW (2010-11-01 02:35:31)
Mike, the vulgarity multiplied the laughter!
Julia (2010-10-24 08:13:32)
Nearly killed me: "My apologies, Ellen. I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name." absolutely loved this!
HIGH SCHOOL SLUT (2010-10-19 15:34:31)
refering to:SpaceMonkey (2010-08-25 22:39:52) I believe it is the hot water. the temperature of the water making the alcohol react faster, or this can just "REALLY PICK A SLUT"
HIGH SCHOOL SLUT (2010-10-19 15:30:50)
refering to:SpaceMonkey (2010-08-25 22:39:52) he got me thinking, what IS the science behind the ability of a hot tub to get girls drunk as fuck in record time? i must know this! I believe it is the hot water. the temperature of the water making the al
JB (2010-10-12 12:45:52)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Classic!
Josh (2010-10-08 13:53:32)
Another great one
laughing!!!! (2010-10-08 12:05:27)
hahahahahahahahahaha this is the best thing i've ever read! awesome
This is awesome (2010-10-06 00:12:43)
I like how you're actually describing how to rape a "bitch" and then pull that pennsylvania crap out lol. Very funny as usual :]
haah (2010-09-29 19:56:02)
thankk youuu kroq
Spencer (2010-09-28 22:53:22)
I heard about this on KROQ, and the things people believe... I almost shit a brick laughing so hard XD
jenn (2010-09-27 23:46:48)
"Whoa there, who said anything about rape?" This had me dying
anonymous (2010-09-24 19:28:24)
" i just bang them in my truck and drop them off at Mcdonalds" LMAO!! i was crying cause i was laughing so hard
Jesse (2010-09-22 03:48:40)
"it is proven fact that bitches get more drunk in a hot tub." AND "I won't need your place to get my fuck on". fucking WIN.
Todd (2010-09-21 22:48:29)
"Consensual." priceless.
Bro (2010-09-16 14:11:19)
This is probably the funniest one I've read, especially when it came to Mike accusing her of spelling her own name wrong.
anon (2010-09-16 12:53:07)
So hilarious- and "shit makes for good fertilizer." Now that's a first hahahahahahaha
Anonymous (2010-09-14 22:46:37)
Full of bullshit but yet so funny!! First you say there's a science behind getting girls drunk in hot tubs and that there's law about sexual consent in that state; I'm surprised the conversatio didn't carry on longer about those comments.
aequitas (2010-09-09 10:12:41)
Dude! yes! having to picture some random plumber getting bimbos drunk in her tub is one thing but the true gold has to go to messing with her mind with the ellen-helen thing. priceless!
Dude! (2010-09-08 13:29:28)
That was just plain hilarious.
Hot-Tub Repairman (2010-09-08 13:28:39)
I'm offended, yet somehow laughing my arse off. Keep on making these, man!
JackAk40.11Cleetus (2010-09-07 22:23:40)
Hellen, Fucking eh i love you man lmao
Walrus (2010-09-06 15:49:58)
HAHAHA im laughing so hard my nipples are starting to bleed
SpaceMonkey (2010-08-25 22:39:52)
he got me thinking, what IS the science behind the ability of a hot tub to get girls drunk as fuck in record time? i must know this!
Yoshimano (2010-08-24 16:44:37)
"I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name." where did you get that man? so funny
miht (2010-08-24 15:38:56)
hi
Max (2010-08-19 12:08:33)
"It is a proven fact that bitches get more drunk in a hot tub." So quotable.
haha (2010-08-09 22:44:29)
i assumed you made typo when typing out ur name lp;
Gabriel (2010-08-08 19:08:20)
How gullible can people be?????
rob (2010-08-06 11:34:25)
HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Ellens Nephew (2010-08-05 15:52:33)
I fixed the hot tub, now i fuck bitches 2-3 hours, 4-5 times a week.
Seut (2010-07-26 09:49:32)
"My apologies, Ellen. I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name." Hahaha, genius! :)
R-Mean (2010-07-23 17:31:08)
ending PRICELESSS :D
Briana (2010-07-23 08:07:20)
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO..."I assumed you made a typo" hahahaha
hell yeah (2010-07-19 14:05:40)
The best one yet! love you man!
fanpire (2010-07-18 00:37:53)
gross funny but gross
Charlie (2010-07-14 23:18:02)
"In the state of Pennsylvania, the law states that if you can get the girl back to a hot tub, it is considered to be sexual consent." LMAO, I pee'd a little. Sorry but I'm going to use that one.
Anon (2010-07-13 19:03:09)
The thing where she finally wrote "ELLEN" at the bottom of her response made me spew coke out my nose
yuup (2010-07-08 22:07:29)
"Don't worry, I won't need to use your house or anything when I get my fuck on; I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds." hahahahaha fuckin priceless man youre a genius
stuner20 (2010-07-08 07:56:12)
unbilievable
The yellow nerd (2010-07-06 22:25:08)
Peed my pants on typo!
anonymous (2010-07-06 03:11:12)
anonymous (2010-05-07 10:39:47) UPDATE THE PAGE YOU PIECE OF SHIT! >I agree with this guy. Did anyone read the dates and time on the 2 most bottom messages? Those 2 were so damn funny!
andy (2010-07-01 12:18:35)
"Don't worry, I won't need to use your house or anything when I get my fuck on; I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds"
Sa Citizen (2010-07-01 08:00:51)
My apologies, Ellen. I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name. hahahahaha
Vezzy (2010-06-28 18:26:15)
I would've laughed even more if you said "My apologies, Helen."
Forest (2010-06-19 23:49:49)
he shouldve kept calling her Helen! oh, and go Atheist dude!
Atheism (2010-06-19 23:46:45)
I'm awesome.
Melissa (2010-06-19 12:54:25)
Omg I was in tears reading this. Hilarious!
san (2010-06-17 00:42:19)
the typo thing just had me in tears.. well done sir
Jon (2010-06-16 01:27:16)
I lost it and bust out laughing "I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name". xD
Ricky (2010-06-15 18:34:24)
I love you! You are the funniest SOB around, and I love you for it! If you can handle the prospect of sensual man-love, then I would love to have you over to my hot tub for a drink or twelve... -Billy
Ellen (2010-06-13 17:08:11)
Not only that, I was also coming on to him ;)
Pie (2010-06-09 21:08:19)
I don't see why she wouldn't let you fix it. You could have let her test it out, with a few drinks to celebrate.
T (2010-06-09 15:33:20)
Not very often I read something that makes me laugh out loud. This got it done! .... hilarious!!
jbiss (2010-06-06 03:06:05)
i like it! not the best. but hellen/ellen thing was hialrious!! haha
anonymous (2010-06-06 00:13:34)
This is hilarious. ELLEN!!
Me (2010-06-04 20:21:50)
I told you to let me fix your hottub.
NEW ONE (2010-06-04 10:43:19)
YOU need to make another one
Adam (2010-06-03 22:12:09)
@blah - They are very much so real you moron.
ryan lab man (2010-06-03 01:14:09)
what a fucking dick hahahahahah
Funny (2010-06-02 09:58:57)
SOOOO JOEELLLLLLL
Ankit (2010-05-25 16:43:45)
"I had assumed you made a typo when writing out your name" had me cracking up for AGES! Lol!
Not First (2010-05-25 02:05:25)
OK, I choked when I got to : "I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name."
blah (2010-05-24 18:35:46)
Too bad these things weren't real and not staged. It would be so much more funnier.
Hugh Jorgan (2010-05-24 17:12:35)
hahahahahaha!!!!
Big Daddy (2010-05-21 13:16:16)
That shit is hilarious!
To To Patrick (2010-05-19 02:09:13)
Dick
dave (2010-05-18 20:32:32)
I swear I almost shit my pants when I was reading this.
asshole (2010-05-18 18:06:34)
the guy that updates this site is an asshole. he posts a new email every 2 months or so...
thomas (2010-05-18 14:43:21)
she said she cared so little about details but she sure makes an exception when someone spells her name wrong
Complainersbegone (2010-05-18 10:57:04)
Don't you have anything better to do than whine?
JB (2010-05-18 07:49:44)
Get some new material. This used to be a cool site, but now all he does is put one on every 2 weeks and solicits his book!
noir (2010-05-18 03:24:28)
Hehe I started cracking up as soon as I read "it is a proven fact that bitches get more drunk in a hot tub" *wipes tears from eyes* Keep 'em coming buddy
ross (2010-05-17 23:37:59)
ha ha "helen"
GOD (2010-05-17 15:24:39)
All shall witness the ruins of Babylon
*inlove* (2010-05-17 14:22:41)
I would drink with you in a hot tub any time.
To Patrick (2010-05-17 11:40:10)
He probably doesn't release them every other day because you know maybe people have jobs and a life outside of the internet. Go do your own craiglists emails, fag.
Patrick (2010-05-16 17:34:32)
These are all very funny, but I really wish we got more than one every month or so... This seems like something that could be released every 2 or 3 days.
Yoshimano (2010-05-16 10:49:11)
"I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name"! It blew me completely off! One of your best lines :D
AE (2010-05-16 00:46:50)
i envy the imagination and seemingly natural flow of assholiness of mike. but i do not envy whatever experiences mike had to go through to turn out this way. poor lucky bastard. asshole. keep up the good work
Randy Marsh (2010-05-15 09:34:30)
Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher But I flew too high
Ellen (2010-05-15 06:55:01)
...
Jack Worthing (2010-05-15 05:05:33)
It was not particularly atrocious this time, John.
Tedzeplin (2010-05-14 19:42:34)
Mike = personal hero! My only wish is that I hadn't thought of this myself first! You are awesome, this page is the highlight of my month.
manwithwounds (2010-05-14 11:12:48)
really funny! great job, John! shitty comments here, though..
Whore! (2010-05-14 04:32:49)
"The book is 50% off this week only! Perfect for people who don't like spending money. Get it while it is cheap." HA! You fucking sell-out WHORE!
sara (2010-05-14 00:04:36)
mike is amazing!! best thing i have ever read! this guy is insanely good! he has a great sense of humor! loved it!!!!! :)
xD (2010-05-13 23:24:11)
xDDD I love how he maintains perfect grammar even though he's a basement dwelling creep! lmao.
yanko (2010-05-13 13:58:57)
Update!
2Funnyshit (2010-05-13 13:16:03)
I'm pretty sure even a person with Down Syndrome would find this shit hilarious. Just cause u have Down Syndrome doesn't mean u don't have a good sense of humor.:)
@Arron (2010-05-13 13:12:50)
Ur entitled to ur opinion but keep it to yourself. You don't know that these aren't real, you only THINK u know.
juicy 36DDbreasts (2010-05-13 11:48:13)
i like how she kept making ellen bigger and bigger the more he called her helen
Aaron (2010-05-13 11:37:44)
Sorry, this seems way too staged. WAY. The second you mentioned shitting in someones hot tub, they wouldn't respond with you "bringing someone back"....they would have just not responded. Please post REAL stories!
TheDreadedPinkSock (2010-05-13 07:16:48)
About fuckin' time you got back to actually being an asshole, you've been awful soft lately.
funnyshit (2010-05-13 01:02:24)
If you dont think that this is hilarious, you obviously must have down syndrome. either that or you just dont smoke enough pot.
jew (2010-05-13 00:09:25)
@goat whipper "hey you all if your dead i can help you go into the light unless you are a jew" Damn you goat whipper
haha (2010-05-12 19:57:16)
hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahhahahaahahhahahahahah drop them off at McDonalds
sniggy (2010-05-12 17:57:56)
I need some fresh puss
Mightisuggest (2010-05-12 17:47:57)
great work yet again! I think the adult "services" is an untapped resource though...just a thought.
jason (2010-05-12 16:32:59)
karma, man, karma
your mother (2010-05-12 14:52:39)
Pure comedy. He said he'll shit in the bushes...ha ha ha.
lauren (2010-05-12 12:57:09)
This was the first one i seen the first time i looked at this website a couple of days ago and I laughed so hard, I was crying. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen! Good stuff... lols
anonymous (2010-05-12 11:10:55)
I love how her name went from Ellen to ELLEN to <b>ELLEN</b>
Wisdom (2010-05-12 09:10:31)
I'm sorry, but this is just unacceptable. This is the worst post you have made since i started reading here not but 2 yrs ago. Plz redeem yourself on the next one.
John Fellatio (2010-05-12 05:05:59)
Oh this was quite a great source of humour. I found myself to be laughing silently without even realising it. *fap fap fap*
Scott is a douche (2010-05-12 01:18:12)
Scott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a doucheScott is a douche
Everyone (2010-05-11 23:25:12)
@anastasia "it's funny because everyone pees in a hot tub....." - WTF?!? Are you using your toilet as a hot tub?
Andrew M (2010-05-11 20:46:47)
"these chicks are passed out drunk and ready to fuck." Could barely make it through the rest.
tubbyHubby (2010-05-11 18:07:11)
"I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name" = GOLD!
steph (2010-05-11 16:40:46)
i like how you called her helen every time lol. that had me dying :)
treefiddie (2010-05-11 16:35:01)
"In the state of Pennsylvania, the law states that if you can get the girl back to a hot tub, it is considered to be sexual consent." Brilliant
Wyatt Nurple (2010-05-11 16:10:48)
Yeah, "Disguised Weapons" is by far the best one.
NiggerHatinMe (2010-05-11 15:35:43)
Pretty awesome. I re-read it while masturbating
Sum Guy (2010-05-11 15:32:02)
1st
da drank (2010-05-11 14:55:08)
i peed all over my girlfriend in a hot tub in mexico....and she let me bring all the girls home from the hot tub afterwards...
anastasia (2010-05-11 14:53:22)
it's funny because everyone pees in a hot tub.....
xs (2010-05-11 12:19:30)
"drop them off at a McDonalds". Pure gold. This one is top ten.
dumb (2010-05-11 12:08:17)
these comments are stupid!
Mr. Hammond (2010-05-11 11:54:05)
Hilarious, love and read every email, please get drunk more often and write more?!
Moberly, MO (2010-05-11 10:12:48)
It's funny because he doesn't really fix hot tubs he is just trying to convince her he does and she thinks he is serious.
Justin Beiber (2010-05-11 03:45:36)
I have a vagina!
Justin Bieber (2010-05-11 00:02:18)
I am a faggot
cam (2010-05-10 22:32:22)
fucking halarious
Name (2010-05-10 21:10:14)
I was wondering why she was capitalizing "Ellen," I didn't realize you were saying "Helen."
andromeda (2010-05-10 15:11:23)
Hell yeah! Mike is BACK! AWESOME!!! I love the Helen/Ellen thing... :D
anonymous (2010-05-10 14:51:04)
HAHA, "Before you know it, these chicks are passed out drunk and ready to fuck."
zebra (2010-05-10 14:29:42)
I hadn't noticed the Ellen/Helen either- that was genius. :)
read the comment (2010-05-10 13:02:10)
read the name
p-dude-d (2010-05-10 12:59:04)
Shoulda tried to hit on that Ellen, invite her to a bar..
harry balls (2010-05-10 12:34:37)
e mails form a asshole is the best book i every read i am doing a book report on it in school
cemore butts (2010-05-10 12:30:21)
i like the gun one the best
goat whipper (2010-05-10 12:26:36)
hey you all if your dead i can help you go into the light unless you are a jew
Melanie (2010-05-10 12:24:51)
fantastic!!
jojo (2010-05-10 08:10:18)
or try the australian sites too
erik (2010-05-10 05:27:47)
LOL
jew (2010-05-09 23:22:44)
I'm jewish
dunc4n (2010-05-09 23:21:58)
hha, he said he would get ppl drunk in her tub after fixing it to piss her off
GovEdinHarrisburg (2010-05-09 21:43:03)
Pennsyltucky is a Commonwef mo-ron.
Martin Van Buren (2010-05-09 19:41:16)
"I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name." Brilliant!
anonymous (2010-05-09 16:55:38)
actually yeah, after reading it again it does seem fake.
Fuck (2010-05-09 16:46:06)
This site has lost it's greatness. I am certain this one is made up without a doubt.
Yes Please (2010-05-09 16:16:06)
Mike I love how u make a pretty sound minded person totally flip out. Its beyond hilarious. Thank u
fake and gay (2010-05-09 12:55:22)
fake and gay just like u mike
hippiechick (2010-05-09 11:34:06)
hahahahahahaha!! .. omg thats too funny : ) lol ..
@blbl (2010-05-09 08:43:31)
I agree! go fuck ur self asshole
@blbl (2010-05-09 08:42:45)
go fuck yourself asshole
blbl (2010-05-09 08:38:56)
All of these sound fake. It's hard to believe almost everyone ends with "go f... yourself"/"f... off", etc., etc. Not everyone speaks like this leading me to believe it's all made up by the same person.
LOL (2010-05-09 07:56:30)
Keep 'em coming dude, these are awesome !
Sharon (2010-05-09 00:51:06)
love this shit. don't ever stop!!!
apple bottom (2010-05-09 00:31:10)
So far one of the best...especially the subtle detail calling her Helen. Great stuff....
noporno! (2010-05-08 23:50:21)
dont listen to the guy 5 comments below.. i think dontevenreply.com, it is a porn site
purplepills (2010-05-08 20:01:38)
awesome !! this was some funny shit keep it up
Lisa (2010-05-08 18:09:27)
Anyone else feeling horny after reading this? I really want to ride some dick in a hot tub right about now.
anonymous (2010-05-08 17:09:06)
nice, one of the best.
John (2010-05-08 16:59:02)
Ellen (2010-05-08 02:44:57) OMG I can't believe you posted our conversation you twisted fuck!!! --- Shut up Helen.
George Dubya Bush (2010-05-08 13:39:32)
There is no evidence that bitches will put out in a hot tub.
hahaha (2010-05-08 11:56:47)
more updates, more often
ineedabmwx5 (2010-05-08 11:35:06)
keep them coming. They are great
ezfulus (2010-05-08 10:56:35)
lol this sounds like what barney stinson would say & do!
Ellen (2010-05-08 02:44:57)
OMG I can't believe you posted our conversation you twisted fuck!!!
lmao (2010-05-08 02:40:10)
Helen...that's just fucking classic....Props my man, do some more!
Bikini Inspector (2010-05-08 02:12:07)
Ah, the joys of a hot tub! I have gathered many drunken harlots upon hearing that I had one in my possession.
Fixing her hot tub (2010-05-08 01:44:49)
LOL, this is so hilarious. please add more of this often. if you add daily, then I ll buy your book. I like how you pissed her off about her name too.
Amanda (2010-05-08 00:26:22)
I love how she's just as angry about you getting her name wrong. xD
honey (2010-05-07 23:18:05)
dammit. i rly wanted helen to list all of her reasons
Your face (2010-05-07 22:54:05)
Oh, man, I just lost it at "Shit makes for great fertilizer." These are the best even if a bit hard to believe.
tony (2010-05-07 22:43:13)
this one sounds fake, for real.
Suicide bomber saved (2010-05-07 22:31:48)
OMG THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO MY BLESSING !!!!!! You saved me from killing myself !!! :D your awesome!!!!
fuckyou (2010-05-07 22:04:39)
Well fuck me runnin. New shit and it was pretty fuckin funny too. Good game my friend
anonymous (2010-05-07 21:43:07)
Your best job in quite a while. Well done.
Krokus (2010-05-07 21:07:28)
hahaha I laughed through all of this!! I loved how she wrote ELLEN to point the mistake haha
Beau Nuss (2010-05-07 20:04:15)
This one is thoroughly entertaining. And all the talk of pissing and shitting reminds me of my most recent romp with your Mom. That freaky bitch.
o (2010-05-07 19:35:27)
hey ronald what about you stfu?
Ronald (2010-05-07 18:57:42)
Catholics are bad, but muslims are the worst.
moar (2010-05-07 18:10:31)
moar
Adam (2010-05-07 17:56:39)
Eh, the Helen/Ellen thing was pretty funny, but it definately wasn't your best. Did it really take you two weeks to come up with that?
Mark (2010-05-07 17:07:19)
Fucking funny.
Tom Rabor (2010-05-07 17:06:04)
My name is tom rabor, and Im an american citizen
ilovetofu (2010-05-07 16:58:19)
Awesome! :D
Satan (2010-05-07 16:36:41)
I do not exist either
wewtesticle2 (2010-05-07 15:46:50)
..(t)he fuck up and go cut yourself somewhere else. Who cares if you cry all the time. Get over yourself.
wewtesticle (2010-05-07 15:45:28)
Religion / ethics / homo-emo-pride / "cry myself to sleep because everybody is SO MEAN" people just stop coming to this site. I am sick and tired of seeing people bitch because they are offended by somebody who is this freaking hilarious. Grow t
lawlsalot (2010-05-07 14:41:19)
the helen/ellen typo was brilliant.
HA! (2010-05-07 14:39:23)
Catholic's are the biggest hypocrites ever! Nothing to be proud of.
kaiser sosay (2010-05-07 13:48:48)
OMFG what aletch i don't even know where to start ...wicked wicked dirtbag
Dyl (2010-05-07 13:39:30)
One of your best so far!!!! Awsome!!!!
Cobra (2010-05-07 13:30:01)
I believe the study was done by Dr. Boonis.
Joey (2010-05-07 13:26:39)
I liked it. Bit miserable though, wasn't she? Its not like you'd asked her to leave out a fresh set of towels for you.
Devout Catholic (2010-05-07 12:48:08)
Devout "DEVEL" Worship, you spelled DEVIL wrong, thus confirming my post about the lack of education associated with this website. Checkmate, you ALL lose sinners.
Dangard (2010-05-07 12:47:09)
This is so hysterical, i'm gonna try to plug your book while i'm out promoting my new book, The ESL Dating Diaries. We both use e-mail as our main source for humor, so it'll tie together well.
Devout Devel Worship (2010-05-07 12:46:00)
Hey "Devout Catholic", lick my crusty pussy and get off of the website if you don't like it!
Helen (2010-05-07 12:40:41)
Love the subtle "Helen" part. Didn't even notice it until she corrected it.
28th!!! (2010-05-07 12:40:06)
One of the best so far. Bow hunting still the best.
fa la la la la (2010-05-07 12:40:02)
Fuck the Devout Catholic !!! You are obviously a moron !!!! You were probably looking for porn when you stumbled upon this you tard.... fuck you and stick too your bullshit values
Pussy=good (2010-05-07 12:19:12)
I agree not one of your best but definitely funny. I think you actually had her considering it for a little while until you mentioned pissing/shitting.
Mark (2010-05-07 11:56:27)
LMFAO! How do you even live with yourself? LOVE this site! Keep up the good work!
zz (2010-05-07 11:56:07)
meh, volume 2. (or I'm just too drunk to appreciate it properly)
chemist (2010-05-07 11:37:32)
the hilight of my week/month depending on next post.
anonlady (2010-05-07 11:34:09)
LMAO: "In the state of Pennsylvania, the law states that if you can get the girl back to a hot tub, it is considered to be sexual consent. "
Fun (2010-05-07 11:32:46)
This is great! I always enjoy reading these, awesome stuff.
bobby (2010-05-07 11:32:45)
subject matter's kind of played out, but that ellen/helen shit was hilarious UPDATE MORE FREQUENTLY PLS
anonymous (2010-05-07 11:24:56)
Lmao.. Helen.. Ellen.. Helen.. ELLEN.. Helen.. ELLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posh (2010-05-07 11:17:43)
This seems like a total fake.
atlanta (2010-05-07 11:09:49)
man my homeboy put me onto this website you a got dam fool! we need a new one a day!
neo (2010-05-07 10:54:17)
one of the best yet, priceless "I don't know the science behind it, but it is a proven fact that bitches get more drunk in a hot tub" LOL
Chris (2010-05-07 10:53:53)
Instant Classic
Wyatt Nurple (2010-05-07 10:47:54)
Not one of your best...but I did like this line "My apologies, Ellen. I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name"...classic.
More Nifty. (2010-05-07 10:43:44)
Yet another brilliant E-mail to pass my school hours.
anonymous (2010-05-07 10:39:47)
UPDATE THE PAGE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
Loves It (2010-05-07 10:35:24)
hahahhaha, "Look Helen"
Ker (2010-05-07 10:35:07)
I love that even though she's pissed off she still was thoughtful enough to include the comma before the word "loser" in her last sentence. Bah ha ha
tallPete (2010-05-07 10:33:20)
Love that she signs her first one Ellen, then ELLEN in caps, then ELLEN in caps and bold!
Bored at work (2010-05-07 10:32:04)
"the science behind it..." perfect. I think I have a copy of that study somewhere. . .
yep (2010-05-07 10:30:26)
This one was definitely worth the wait.
PedanticFrench (2010-05-07 10:24:53)
Nice. Hope the next one will be there sooner.
him (2010-05-07 10:19:05)
Hahaha helen
God (2010-05-07 10:16:55)
I do not exist
Scott is a douche (2010-05-07 10:16:30)
You're a douche, Scott
Mike Jones (2010-05-07 10:16:13)
"Shit makes for great fertilizer." Awesome!!
scott (2010-05-07 10:14:30)
FIRST
mike (2010-05-07 10:14:29)
not first anymore, bitch

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