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Dream Vacation
Posted at: 2009-07-06 09:51:47
Original ad:
We are a family of 2 adults and 3 kids looking for a vacation home for the weekend of August 1st. We would prefer a house on the water. Nobody smokes, and we do not have any pets. This was a last minute decision and we can't find anywhere to stay!
From Dan Gibson to Peg ******

Hello,

I own a waterfront house and have not booked the weekend of August 1st yet. Let me know if you are still interested.

Thanks,

Dan

From Peg ****** to Me
We are still looking for a house to rent. Can you tell us a little about the house? Which beach, how big, rental rate, etc...

-Peg

From Dan Gibson to Peg ******
Peg,

It is a beautiful 1 bedroom townhouse in the heart of Chester. I am only renting out the bedroom on the first floor, because the second floor is boarded up from a fire that happened last month. Don't let that scare you away though - the first floor is the epitome of luxury.

In the den, you'll find a couch, TV, and table. The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch. I'm not quite sure if the TV still works after that transition to digital cable happened, but there is a VCR, and a few tapes on VHS. I think one of the movies is Predator 2, but if you are looking for something a little more family-oriented, I have some episodes of Oz that I taped off of HBO. My kids love it.

The kitchen comes fully equipped with a microwave and sink. The township disconnected water to the building for various reasons, but I will leave behind a few gallon jugs of water that you can use. The water is probably more sanitary than water from the sink, anyway.

The bedroom has a mattress on the floor, and a handheld fan to keep you cool during those hot summer nights.

The back window of the house overlooks a beautiful neighborhood drainage reservoir. You are literally right on the water.

Now I must warn you that this is in a bit of a shady neighborhood. There were 17 robberies last month, and a few shootings. Don't worry though, there are locks on the windows and I have a stool near the front door that you can wedge under the doorknob to serve as an extra lock.

As of right now, the weekend of the 1st is not booked. I am willing to rent the house to you for that weekend for a discounted price of $300 a night. Should I put you down for that Friday?

Dan

From Peg ****** to Me
You seriously rent that piece of shit?! Yeah let me tell you how my family would love to spend the weekend on a vacation in CHESTER. Get real buddy

From Dan Gibson to Peg ******
Peg,

Don't let the fact that it is in Chester scare you away from my resort of a vacation home. I don't know if you have heard, but crime is down in Chester by over 6 percent.

The gunshots at night aren't that bad - the last guests that rented out my house even said that they found the gunshots to be soothing.

This late in the summer, you won't find a vacation deal like this anywhere else. You don't want to pass this up!

Dan

From Peg ****** to Me
um I think I do want to pass this up. getting robbed in the middle of the night isn't my idea of a vacation.

From Dan Gibson to Peg ******
I told you I had a stool to barricade the front door. I guess if that isn't enough, I'll let you borrow my Glock 21. It will put a .45 slug straight through anything that tries to enter the house. Just make sure your kids don't play with it - I don't want to have to deal with any more accidents. I'll include this as "extra security" for an extra $50 for the weekend.

Dan

From Dan Gibson to Peg ******
So do you want the house or not? I have plenty of other people who want to rent the house that weekend, so will you make up your mind and stop wasting my time?

Dan

From Peg ****** to Me
stop wasting YOUR time? how about you stop wasting MY time dickhead! I think I made myself very clear that I dont want to rent your shitty project house. how can you call that a resort, that thing should be condemned!

From Dan Gibson to Peg ******
Peg, I am sorry to hear that you do not want to stay at my Chester getaway. If you are still looking for a vacation rental, I have a beautiful row house in West Baltimore for rent. Let me know!
Share    
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Lalaine (2016-11-06 07:41:26)
At last! Something clear I can undansterd. Thanks!
Scott (2014-01-20 03:09:33)
"I dont want anymore accidents" lmao
Dream Vacation (2013-09-18 01:56:09)
hand held fan and a glock?home sweet home
ronalmww (2013-05-31 23:42:18)
.txt,1,S] A transcript of the weekend's program:The case for gridlock. Plus Democrats stymie gun-control efforts, and Beyoncé and Jay-Z go to Cuba. Tune in this weekend for more: FOX News Channel,
Steal The Gun (2013-05-26 02:23:56)
$350? Do it, and skip town with the Glock.
Omni (2012-06-15 09:51:49)
"a handheld fan" lol,that made me laugh,what the F? XD
Lenore (2012-05-07 18:58:05)
"The table is great for putting stuff on" Wow. Sounds awesome.
8^P (2012-05-03 16:08:21)
"I have some episodes of Oz that I taped off of HBO. My kids love it." funny as f!@#
B-more guy (2011-12-20 11:00:37)
@bmore But, West Baltimore get all the bad rep seeing as the projects are on the west side and "The Wire" seasonone is West Baltimore.
anonymous (2011-10-14 01:08:54)
"the table is good for setting stuff on while your sitting on the couch" I was crying from laughing so hard. XD
APredatorFan (2011-09-11 06:11:51)
"I think one of the movies is Predator 2" I would have packed my shit right then.
anonymous (2011-09-04 07:41:31)
"overlooks a beautiful neighborhood *next line* drainage reservoir. You are literally right on the water."
bmore (2011-08-22 15:18:48)
east baltimore is a lot worse than west baltimore. . . 30 shootings over there in the past month compared to 25 in west
@al (2011-07-01 16:15:46)
10mm! cant hit something 10ft away! hell yeah!!
Al Gore (2011-06-21 00:58:05)
Pfft. Glock 21. Glock 20! 10mm! Fuck Yeah!
Looking2BSingle (2011-06-12 00:26:14)
Umm.. seriously though ... is that place still available, because I have some time coming to me and that weekend is open for me. I would want the Glock, though, and if you have any extra carpet, plastic sheeting and bleach I would pay cash.
Franklin (2011-06-10 21:12:13)
Epic! I wonder when someone will "get it".
Notanamerican (2011-06-06 14:28:26)
Is West Baltimore another bad area? Was that the joke?
lol (2011-05-31 01:46:41)
"the table is good for setting stuff on while your sitting on the couch" lol NO SHIT
anonymous (2011-05-15 12:56:08)
Greywalker is really kind of sad. His post was a "let's put as many memes as possible to make me look cool" post, and then he commented LOL to it. Sad.
(2011-05-12 20:47:00)
Lady happy (2011-04-23 15:00:24)
LOL "my Chester getaway" XD
anonymous (2011-04-13 15:11:41)
jaspx (2011-03-30 11:51:39)
some reason i think dan should sound like larry the cable guy get'r done!
um (2011-03-27 01:33:09)
wow lol!
Anonymoose (2011-03-25 14:03:45)
Awesome post yet again. Also, Greywalker, stop being a try hard, you aren't funny. Also, making another post with the name "anonymous" to make yourself look good is sad.
anonymous (2011-03-23 10:51:04)
@Greywalker LOL
Greywalker (2011-03-23 00:32:37)
@treyisafagsuckscock Lmao, U mad brah? Problem? I own a horse which on top rides Rick Astley and a Narwhal with a polished horn screaming over 9000! You are forever alone. Excellent emails!
treyisafagsuckscock (2011-03-18 18:38:10)
wow bro you are a total fucking homo you should shut the fuck up fag honestly
EvilBear (2011-03-16 16:39:13)
I'm betting he gets lots of people that either ignore him or just don't bother replying after a few exchanges. Only the good ones get posted here.
Jon (2011-03-06 10:57:58)
I've been reading through most of these emails and I think they're great but.. are people really this unfriendly where you live? If some douche emailed me, I'd probably just lol at him and block his address...
anonymous (2011-02-22 06:44:54)
Ahaha...much MD love =) And I remember when Chester really was charming.
me (2011-02-05 03:18:28)
You are a fucking genius. I thought nobody could be funnier than Louis CK, but you, good sir, are a motherfucking genius
noree (2011-01-30 20:26:26)
ALL of baltimore is a slum.
treyisafagsuckscock (2011-01-05 01:05:27)
haha... no jk, trey is a fag, i love you... i'm mega gay like that... shove it in my butthole please? i will moan for you and be your little bitch baby.... ohhh yesss...
Archibald Ironfist (2010-12-24 00:35:10)
Please excuse my ignorance, but what exactly is the joke with West Baltimore? Is it another shitty neighbourhood, or is it ironic because it contrasts with Chester? Sorry for being a fucking moron.
T-fists (2010-11-20 23:06:37)
That West Baltimore comment at the end was the fixer. You rock, man.
ACM (2010-11-10 21:30:37)
Ikr! Fo shizle Lu!
Lu (2010-11-09 18:23:16)
lol one of the few ppl that didn't resort to using all caps
pcp (2010-10-28 19:15:09)
....they found the gunshots to be soothing. awesome!
anonymous (2010-10-16 13:22:26)
"The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch." hahaha omg i laughed so hard
LMBAO (2010-09-27 13:50:23)
Hey there are some nice homes in west Baltimore. White people live there and everything! Just don't go to far down the street
anonymous (2010-09-18 20:48:35)
Hahaha! I live in West Baltimore. Hey, it's fucking cheap.
H20 (2010-09-13 15:41:01)
"The township disconnected water to the building for various reasons"...LOL
satan (2010-08-20 18:12:37)
my kinda room... is it still available?
Jesus (2010-08-16 01:48:06)
treyisafagsuckscock (2010-08-14 16:42:00) Who peed in your cornflakes?
treyisafagsuckscock (2010-08-14 16:42:00)
hey, trey is a fag, how bout u go suck a big fat black dick just like ur daddy taught u when u visited him in prison all those summers and shut ur fucking racist bitch ass up?
code (2010-08-13 09:58:36)
This is my absolute favourite. No matter how many times I read it, it just reduces me to a giggling idiot. Pure freakin' genius.
trey is a fag (2010-08-07 20:48:32)
Shut the fuck up nigger, we read the email just fine
trey (2010-08-07 01:30:45)
"The bedroom has a mattress on the floor, and a handheld fan to keep you cool during those hot summer nights." ...genius
LAWLS (2010-08-04 20:42:44)
OMG JUST WANT TO EAT THIS SHIT ALIVE AND ROAST IT
InsertNameHere (2010-07-21 15:39:02)
"I'm not quite sure if the TV still works after that transition to digital cable happened," pure win!
ivanche (2010-07-18 03:16:58)
i love those stop wasting MY time moments! gj
jean (2010-07-11 11:09:46)
Your kids love oz from hbo, my god that is awesome.
DonRaggo (2010-06-29 23:36:36)
that was one of my all time faves, totally :D
Luke (2010-06-24 06:52:24)
@Ashleigh yeah, I live in Austrelia too, and Dan Gibson is our channel 7 weatherman
Jeff (2010-06-23 17:43:08)
firstly this is not funny... its art honestly this was so brilliant i pee'd a little (sigh why wud i admit that) oh and @ask my mom swears like a bitch and shes a mother of 4 with a 7 year old
Myself (2010-06-23 01:52:25)
The part that made me cry from laughing was "The kitchen comes fully equipped with a microwave and sink."
Greg (2010-06-11 13:30:34)
"I don't want to have to deal with ANY MORE accidents." LOL
Giuseppe (2010-06-08 03:10:00)
$300 a night in Chester, discounted? Hysterical. Only 17 robberies and a few shootings last month. Damn slackers. And a drainage basin view. Sweet.
bhahabhbahba (2010-06-04 10:54:11)
GUNSHOTS SOOTHING>> XXXDDD
Snuffilm (2010-06-02 19:46:23)
@ash / HBO is a cable network / OZ was a notoriously violent prison drama/ re : much more so than predator 2/ peace from Tennessee
Ashleigh :) (2010-06-01 02:56:04)
what are OZ episodes off HBO? and where Chester, sorry i live in Australia so i don't really get it
Wasted (2010-05-01 16:38:17)
In the den, you'll find a couch, TV, and table. The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch I lol'd hard.
ronnie (2010-04-06 19:35:49)
tapes which include predator 2 on VHS hahaha
anonymous (2010-03-02 09:29:09)
"beautiful neighborhood drainage reservoir. You are literally right on the water." How picturesque! BWAAAAHAAAA GLOCK 21, nice taste in weapons anyway!
-E- (2010-02-21 13:41:12)
can't believe none of the comments included my fave "The back window of the house overlooks a beautiful neighborhood drainage reservoir. You are literally right on the water" i died!
awesome (2010-02-18 01:00:51)
'epitome of luxury' THAT WAS TRULY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST ONES ON HERE
Kerry (2010-02-17 11:20:03)
Is the place still available? it sound great and a chance to vacation for free. Glock sale 250. stool 15.00 micro 25.00 table 25.00 vcr 20.00 tape collection 15.00. Thia vacation can be a wash.
Dita (2010-02-16 12:53:17)
"The kitchen comes fully equipped with a microwave and sink". Fridge optional? This was a great one.
me (2010-02-15 14:53:49)
$50 for the glock sounds like a good deal
anonymous (2010-02-15 14:51:38)
$50 for the glock sounds like a good deal
tonysnow85 (2010-02-14 12:52:45)
lol west baltimore FTW
B_ryan (2010-02-11 19:11:46)
Its been said before but there is no overstating how funny the "The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch" line was
chappy22 (2010-02-08 23:14:53)
Hahaha I live in Chester. It ain't that bad, this kid's from west chester and prob never even set foot in this fair city.
Chaka Kahn (2010-02-06 18:06:22)
"The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch. " Best line ever. And to Emma - sorry about your stanky cunt.
shitface (2010-01-11 15:00:55)
"i thought i made myself clear i dont want to rent your shitty project house" nice i dont see whats wrong with the projects....especially with kids. that would be the most informative vacation of those kids lives.
anonymous (2010-01-10 20:39:57)
"I have some episodes of Oz that I taped off of HBO. My kids love it." I'm dying. I wipe tears from my eyes.
nathan (2010-01-07 23:12:00)
holy shit i need a god damn xanax after reading this shit!!
Anonymous (2010-01-07 01:23:46)
You are not a man until you stay for a night there.
Bob Dole (2009-12-02 00:10:39)
Bob Dole would stay there....
botox (2009-11-29 05:38:26)
"but if you are looking for something a little more family-oriented, I have some episodes of Oz that I taped off of HBO. My kids love it." LOOOOOOOOOOOOL omfg..../dead
chelsakins (2009-11-26 16:40:04)
" The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch. " haahahahahaha
lool (2009-10-22 18:44:22)
"my Chester getaway" i seriously cannot stop laughing
crunkbox (2009-10-01 06:26:06)
"Just make sure your kids don't play with it - I don't want to have to deal with any more accidents." That's the line that cracked me up.
It's so fawking fun, (2009-09-30 16:48:29)
even my diarrhea stopped for a while... LOL
chesterfuck (2009-09-25 22:48:42)
zz you read my mind... "soothing"... LOL !!!
zz (2009-09-24 19:15:56)
"the last guests that rented out my house even said that they found the gunshots to be soothing." you are fuckin hilarious ahahahahahaa
PlasticDuck (2009-09-21 06:54:51)
eh west baltimore isn't all that bad. it all depends on how much your willing to pay for your smack. never bring more than $60 or less than $20
emma (2009-09-14 17:11:04)
my cunt is a stankin
hanad (2009-09-11 07:25:16)
iwan t tomake to answer
Alexio (2009-09-05 01:32:59)
Noice, noice.
very nice (2009-09-03 21:19:24)
The table is great for putting stuff on when you are sitting on the couch.
graciano (2009-09-03 01:18:24)
why the fuck do people get so angry? if i were to read this from an ad i posted, i woulda laughed my ass off, asking 300 a night plus 50 for a glock shoulda truly sealed the deal..ajajajajajajaj
ShiddyGumBall (2009-08-28 12:42:18)
@ask You sir, are an idiot.. My mum swears all the time.. Just because your mum probably doesn't swear doesn't mean that other mums don't.. Stereotypical bastard..
NoAdditives (2009-08-27 22:47:23)
@ask I'm a mother and I swear at times. Not all moms are polite and proper 100% of the time. Your mom may have been June Cleaver but people these days can be a little more relaxed about what they expose their kids to.
ask (2009-08-27 03:18:36)
Okay, I can't really see a mother with 3 kids cursing at a man like that. Even if it is a ridiculous email.
cyndaminthia (2009-08-26 03:13:20)
It's amazing how many people can resort to name-calling in these emails. These are brilliant.
Liam Gallagher (2009-08-23 11:17:46)
Fuckin'MadFerIt!...Live Forever...LG
amy (2009-08-21 18:27:44)
Rofl, i live in Chester and find this hilarious
Bitch (2009-08-21 09:03:17)
"the last guests that rented out my house even said that they found the gunshots to be soothing." LMFAO!!!
ha ha 1 ha hA (2009-08-21 03:44:43)
duncan you dumb poes ~! shut the poes up
Forever Silly Beans (2009-08-20 16:07:24)
LOL "the epitome of luxury"
AndyPhucter (2009-08-20 14:53:05)
Ahhh...West Baltimore. What memories. Good times...good times.
phaze (2009-08-19 17:58:04)
duncan for idiot of the century. WE know fool
anonymous (2009-08-15 16:48:02)
This guy should make a sister site to this one, call it whydidyoumakeacomment.com and put all of duncans posts on them.
HAHA (2009-08-14 16:48:01)
Duncan returns!
JennDaviesLoves2Fart (2009-08-14 14:39:31)
Absolutely too funny. Check out AdFish for all of your online marketing/jar of fart needs.
Nikki (2009-08-12 22:46:08)
"Chester getaway" ROFLMAO!
Duncan (2009-08-12 10:32:56)
This is so funny because he wants to go on a vacation with his family and Dan offers him a filthy place in a dangerous neighbourhood. And the punchline is great because he is offering him another house in an even worse neighourhood!
Den (2009-08-11 15:37:33)
Hahah I worked and went to school in Chester and this is awesome.
Great Site (2009-08-06 23:01:55)
I thought this was hilarious, keep up the good work!
I donated while back (2009-08-06 17:14:27)
Hah the baltimore part was pretty good. Baltimore sucks and is dangerous. I cant believe you actually got right what part of baltimore is dangerous tho. U must live in MD
Gary McCullough (2009-07-30 15:42:21)
A row house in west baltimore lol
olmo (2009-07-29 15:18:34)
Muy interesante...
Matt (2009-07-25 17:53:04)
SWEET!!1!1! I LOVE OOZING SCABS!
? (2009-07-24 14:09:34)
Penis Pasta
Chester (2009-07-23 15:45:48)
Why is this one down?
ROFLCOPTERZORS (2009-07-23 15:34:48)
Cockmeat sandwich
Mary (2009-07-23 01:03:57)
Hahahha West Baltimore? Good luck.
1 (2009-07-22 20:04:20)
1
holly (2009-07-22 11:27:01)
haha I lived in chester for a month; we had the doors padlocked...
Zofia (2009-07-21 11:25:40)
I need more.. PLEASE im bored at work
Ben (2009-07-21 11:18:51)
Two in one day! great. i like the added stool baracade
Das (2009-07-21 11:13:41)
I call it like I see it.
Igor (2009-07-21 10:55:29)
Epic.
anonymous (2009-07-21 09:49:53)
das every time i see you post you hate on the site. fuck off if you dont like it. fuckin fag. this one was great
sal (2009-07-21 09:36:49)
agree...jumped the shark on that one. funniest shit online better to post nothing rather than that crap
Will (2009-07-21 09:25:03)
Oz and West Bawlmore references in one thread? Someone must like The Wire.
Mac (2009-07-21 08:56:30)
I'm feeling you, Das. Digital cable? Don't you mean digital antenna?
Das (2009-07-21 08:31:10)
Wow...this site has jumped the shark...shits weak.
Pfffft. (2009-07-21 08:21:26)
Now that he is making up the emails and they aren't actually real the quality of the site has dropped quite a bit. Oh well.
Dan (2009-07-21 06:25:54)
What an ungrateful bitch! I hope she has a mediocre vacation, filled with only mild fun.
trashman (2009-07-21 05:37:10)
hahaha this is pure comedy! Keep it up! wow that Kevin d-bag has a very dirty mouth...
Kevin (2009-07-21 05:15:12)
Hey Fuck You Navid and Spencer, Go Fuck Yourselves!
Lauren (2009-07-21 05:11:06)
Errm, I might be interested in a short term rental. Are there any horses there? And privacy?
bellez (2009-07-21 04:53:50)
"I think one of the movies is Predator 2, but if you are looking for something a little more family-oriented, I have some episodes of Oz that I taped off of HBO. My kids love it." i <3 you.
clemm Owen (2009-07-21 04:03:56)
Throw in a case of busch light and an 8 ball and I will take up the offer. Sounds like a good deal to me. But I am from Wisconsin.paradise here I come!
Malaktose (2009-07-21 03:52:11)
some episodes of Oz from HBO for the family, lol.
Matt (2009-07-21 03:48:30)
I have been checking back all week because these are the funniest on the interne right now! that being said, this was not anywhere near as funny as horse farm or kittens for tiger. ps fuck you Duncan. it must be said.
ineedabmwx5 (2009-07-21 02:51:41)
hahaha, great!!
WB (2009-07-21 02:36:05)
"extra security" lol got me there
Nora (2009-07-21 02:23:36)
do you even own property? . oh gosh so funny, but not as funny as the sandbox story that was posted on FB that brought me to your site.
omg (2009-07-21 02:13:25)
that was great
Ishan (2009-07-21 01:57:43)
LOL!!! hahahahah very funny
Nathan (2009-07-21 01:45:39)
Predator 2! hahahaha.
lol (2009-07-21 01:44:19)
that was teh funny

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