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Surrogate Father
Posted at: 2009-10-20 12:39:28
This was in response to an ad looking for surrogate mothers. The ad is long and boring, so I'll sum it up: they pretty much pay healthy women a lot of money to carry another couple's baby.
From Me to ************@***********.org:

Hello,

I saw your ad looking for surrogate mothers, and was wondering if you had any openings for a surrogate father. I am willing to sacrifice my body for families who cannot have a child. I would get the sperm intended for the surrogate mother inserted into my balls, and then impregnate the surrogate mother through passoniate intercourse, to assure that the baby is conceived in a more natural environment. Nobody wants a freak petri dish baby as their child.

I saw that compensation was $25,000 for the mother. Since I am doing all of the hard work, however, I am asking for $50,000 as compensation. Also, the surrogate mother must fit the following criteria:

- 18 to 24 years old
- Brunette or Blonde (no redheads)
- Not too short, but not taller than me because that is just weird
- Breast size of C cup or larger
- Not fat
- She must shave "down there"
- STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)

I look forward to hearing from you. If possible, please send a list of potential surrogate mothers for me to knock up, and include pictures. I will get back to you with who I want to impregnate first.

Thanks,

Mike

From Mary ********* to Me:

Mike,

There is no "surrogate father" program. Sorry.

Mary *********

From Me to Mary *********:

Mary,

Surely there are some fathers who would want this. Just ask your clients if they would be interested in my services. I am sure you will get a positive response.

I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal.

Thanks,

Mike

From Mary ********* to Me:

What is wrong with you? Let me be very clear: there will never be a surrogate father program. One can't simply get another's sperm placed in their "balls." Frankly, your demands are disgusting and you are making a mockery of our program. Do not contact me again.

From Me to Mary *********:

Oh, come on. What demands were disgusting? The anal sex? Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first.

Believe me, this is not about the sex for me. I just want to help our country's most precious resource: our children. They are our future, you know. You hate children, don't you? By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic.

Please reconsider,

Mike
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Xxxpussyslayer (2014-01-19 22:22:46)
Why doesn't surrogate fathers exist!?! that sounds like the best deal around!
lost it (2013-08-15 07:54:37)
chlamydia is ok i already have that made me lose it
zero (2013-07-04 02:02:35)
"I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal." ...that's where i broke.
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Tadashi (2013-05-26 02:49:50)
"I would get the sperm intended for the surrogate mother inserted into my balls" I died here!
TJ (2013-03-30 14:55:20)
Are you kidding me?! I would totally f**k that redhead from the Wendy's commercial!
Padrono (2013-03-12 15:58:15)
Is that Mary, from Xytex? I know her LOL
. (2013-02-10 12:16:47)
One does not simply get sperm.placed in their balls...
Redheads (2013-01-20 21:33:47)
Your loss some of us redheads LIKE it in the ass :)
Slarti (2013-01-11 10:48:41)
Aww, I really dont want nobody elses sperm in my balls Pliz kick them oouuut!!!
random fan (2012-11-23 20:21:01)
how do you come up with this stuff??? Fucking Brilliant!!! been laughing the entire afternoon reading your posts
alex (2012-11-16 02:32:10)
omfg. this is fucking great
Yauw (2012-11-14 14:48:58)
I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal.
Daniel (2012-09-23 05:41:57)
"nobody wants a freak petri dish baby as their child" my stomach hurts x)
Silver (2012-08-10 11:23:38)
One cannot simply get another's sperm placed in their balls.
Rodin (2012-06-16 19:08:08)
Can't stop laughing thanks
Eddie (2012-06-16 01:42:58)
Gotta say Redheads are pretty sexy, they're my weakness haha
aks (2012-06-14 20:40:43)
lol wut, redheads are hott
Futalover (2012-06-11 14:24:56)
if they had that program, they could charge the men for it. i'm sure that there would be at least 1 billion men who would go for that
Redhead (2012-05-02 06:20:51)
Harsh...
ruify (2012-03-17 12:29:01)
utedo
jack (2012-02-20 15:53:18)
hahah!! awesome! laughing out hard
Mark (2011-12-21 14:03:47)
tears in my eyes..hahahaha...the best site ever
Hachi (2011-12-20 14:43:18)
Pffffft, stupid me. Should've read the story first before asking, I thought that list was from ad, lol.
Hachi (2011-12-20 14:39:25)
So... What is "shaving down there" has to do with carrying a baby?
gundo (2011-10-22 17:58:30)
ahaha and as i thought it always was!
Your name here (2011-09-30 19:32:17)
Fuck her in the bush you fucking retard
Fucker (2011-09-28 07:03:54)
It was hilarious ...
Ass_Licker (2011-09-19 09:43:17)
Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first. ----- Holy Crap! I think I should consider banging my GF in the ass first cause we haven't got any child since we got married in 2007.. :)
anonymous (2011-09-19 04:50:55)
I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal. I fucking lost it when i read that xD
fabio (2011-09-16 22:01:32)
"they must be willing to do anal" wow this stuff is funny
anonymous (2011-08-07 15:26:51)
Do anal sex to get pregnant? LOL
Redhead (2011-08-04 14:39:18)
this was hilarious, and all you people insulting redheads...are... ah, jk. I couldn't care less. This was awesome.
alex (2011-08-04 09:31:51)
I think this might be the best website I have ever seen!! Thanks for the referral. -Alex
JonBej (2011-08-03 04:32:52)
Lost. My. Fucking. SHIT at "...chlamydia is okay because I already have that"
Anon (2011-08-02 16:51:38)
@Mary Consequences will never be the same!
abasslinelow (2011-07-29 21:16:21)
Nice try, attempting to troll the troller. I have my eyes on you.
Mary (2011-07-27 00:06:46)
Is it fraud. I have already consulted our lawyer about it also. You have bee warned.
Hea (2011-07-26 01:27:58)
ha
erik (2011-07-24 08:55:09)
@Mary OH SHIT MIKE, SHE BACK TRACED IT! AND SHE CALLED THE CYBERPOLICE!
anon (2011-07-23 03:49:50)
@Mary. And tell them what exactly? That you got your feelings hurt on the internet?
Mary (2011-07-22 23:35:17)
What the hell is the matter with you? You made a mockery of my program, and now you post it on the Internet? I have tracked you down, and I'm calling the police.
anonymous (2011-07-19 05:20:46)
TOP!
Pete (2011-07-09 13:03:11)
STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that) Me too!
Carl (2011-06-26 23:01:35)
Mike, if you ever find anyone willing to hire you for this please let me know as I would be interested in a job like this as well. Thank you.
crowbar (2011-06-01 12:31:13)
Haw, haw,haw!
LOOOL (2011-05-23 06:13:27)
"Nobody wants a freak petri dish baby as their child". OMG.....WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY? HE' FUCKING AWESOME!!! Man, I want to meet him.
I am Jeezus (2011-05-16 14:16:40)
Dude this made my day!!!!!!!!
Ginger! (2011-04-27 21:31:17)
To safkfjsd: YEAHH! GINGER PRIDE! :D
Humvee (2011-04-07 09:39:06)
Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first. Loooool!!
safkfjsd (2011-03-30 08:42:25)
redheads are fucking hot
anonymous (2011-03-29 19:47:39)
just so funny!!!! I'm crying from laughing so hard! YOU ARE SUCH A JERK HAHAHA. :) Love it.
me (2011-03-18 12:43:04)
ahahaha. too damn funny!
anonymous (2011-02-19 16:44:54)
"STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)" LOOOLLLLLLL!!!
Spongebob (2011-02-17 15:54:40)
LOL HAHA, ANAL SEX!?
plug of Pottstown PA (2011-02-16 22:49:29)
Stacey in MA: thanks for letting me know of this site. Fucking funny as shit! the graphic artist one, had me laughing for about 15 minutes.
D (2011-01-23 08:28:20)
I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal.hahaha!
Miss Swan (2011-01-12 20:53:24)
I once a surrogate mother and it pay good. I do again if I still fertile.
.... (2011-01-09 16:07:19)
I bet having sperm inserted into your balls would actually hurt really bad...
Mr. Asswhole (2011-01-03 04:09:54)
I LIKE HIM! HES AN ASSWHOLE
Jason (2010-12-31 18:27:14)
One can't simply get another's sperm placed in their "balls." That response had me laughing my ass off as well as the rest of this site. Funny shit!
anonymous (2010-12-24 01:22:15)
@weapon crazy girl: Studies also show that 90% of people are also willing to believe anything if you put "studies show" or anything like that before it.
DarthMall (2010-12-13 01:38:51)
tl;dr
aimee (2010-11-26 13:30:58)
Ah haha. Ya I laughed out loud. GOod one
anonymous (2010-11-19 15:44:46)
its fuckin funny :)))))))
hahahaha (2010-11-10 01:42:51)
This post was amazing! the comment made it tooooooo funny the "spikey catacomb of death" and Big Chegs' "pig nipples" comment had me in tears
weapon crazy girl (2010-10-27 23:19:15)
studies also show that 90% of people will believe anything you say if you add a percentage in there.
hey (2010-10-27 18:21:13)
mike, you're a fucking genius xD
anonymous (2010-10-25 09:38:45)
Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first....hahaha, amazing
Julia (2010-10-24 09:40:29)
- STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that) epic =)
anonymous (2010-10-13 07:54:47)
I wonder if truly doesn't like readheads. Is it the freckles? I love freckles. Just when you think he was done, he goes and adds the 'anal' requirement.. I just died right there.
Mr.2wo.Official (2010-09-29 21:11:58)
STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that) That Had Me Rollin
LMAO (2010-08-20 20:18:18)
One can't simply get another's sperm placed in their "balls." ROFL
Hilncore (2010-08-18 17:59:53)
For our children! Hilarious!
chelsea (2010-08-05 20:29:49)
hahah u r too funny but u need to make more!!
Big Chegs (2010-08-04 09:33:09)
I quite agree with the no gingers. Surely there is nothing uglier on this planet than a ginger cunt. My God, they look sore and nasty. Coupled with their freckly, see through skin and pale, pig nipples, there is clearly a case for instant euthanasia of gi
VegasChick (2010-08-03 20:03:07)
I'm a surrogate mother myself and I find this fuck!n hilarious! Maybe next time I'll try it in the ass first & see if I get pregnant quicker! LMAO!
Travissss (2010-07-31 21:06:52)
@randomguy - I too found that part funny but wasn't sure why until you pointed that out. Thanks
someguy (2010-07-23 23:37:09)
You should accuse them of sexism for denying the possibility of a surrogate father program.
r (2010-07-21 13:46:32)
dear cole, you are clearly not a very intelligent individual. please spare us from your future comments. yours truly, r
cole (2010-07-20 10:02:15)
aww man i read all in a row up tp this one, not to funny man but geesh i better take a break, should do like 4 a week or so man
A (2010-07-20 06:35:34)
If you don't like the site, don't get on it. :P I personally find this really funny. These are e-mails from an asshole... not e-mails from a nice guy. If Mike was nice about it, it just wouldn't be funny.
Dhal (2010-07-19 04:14:04)
I think I laughed harder at "spiky catacomb of death" than the actual post itself.
@Bleh (2010-07-17 13:54:55)
Please do the internet a favor and, forgive my French, "shut your fucking face." No one cares that your babies keep miscarriaging themselves inside your spiky catacomb of death
Pgg (2010-07-17 13:52:40)
"By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic." IMMD.
Lmao (2010-07-16 16:17:18)
I am laughing too hard, this site is brilliant!
anonymous (2010-07-15 16:31:11)
"Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first." lol
random guy (2010-07-15 04:41:28)
"Must be willing to do anal" lol, I cracked up when I read that as there is no need for it in surrogated situations.
3=D (2010-07-15 02:00:49)
;]
bobby (2010-07-14 14:04:31)
@Born a redhead: the "gingers have no souls" thing comes from southpark.
Bleh (2010-07-14 13:09:47)
we'd have to adopt or do this. So in my eyes he's taking a really noble service and, as she said, making a mockery of it. but I'm glad the rest of you could find this funny.
Bleh (2010-07-14 13:09:23)
I didn't find this funny. It was actually kinda messed. But I guess that's just because I have a little personal experience on the subject...my girl got pregnant and our child died because of her rh factor. Therefore if we want to have kids we'
balls (2010-07-09 22:08:07)
Nancy&Steve, Your retarded =)
Nancy&Steve (2010-07-09 22:06:42)
Mike, you're a fucking genius. We laugh till we cry. Keep them coming!!!
born not red head (2010-07-09 00:49:52)
I think the request for no Gingers is highly reasonable. What potential parent would pay $75,000 for even the slightest possibility of carrot-top babies? The "no red heads" clause is a winner for everyone!
Born red head (2010-07-06 22:08:51)
Curious. And the little bastard that says gingers have no soul and need to die at birth. You have no soul and the best part of you ended up as a shit stain in your mothers underwear. =D Have a nice day!
Born red head (2010-07-06 22:06:48)
I thought the whole thing was funny I've been reading backwards from most recent. They are pretty funny although I hope this was entirely a work for humor. What's wrong with redheads? Not really offended by the author of the letters just curi
Ramchandra (2010-07-02 14:00:12)
ROFL This is absolutely hilarious!Awesome site man!
Sa Citizen (2010-06-30 05:16:07)
STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)hahahahahahaha
Havoc (2010-06-27 00:24:00)
Why the hell don't you like redheads?
I Was Here (2010-06-26 00:43:31)
LOL. But seriously, no one wants a freak petri dish baby.
Angizolo (2010-06-25 11:26:57)
75% more likely hahahahaah lmao hella funny
Fahim (2010-06-21 02:22:40)
Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first. FUCKING BRILLIANT! AWEFUCKINGSOME!!!
Stinky (2010-06-17 16:40:10)
Laughing so hard I just farted. Oxygen, bring the oxygen, this guy is hilarious!
a (2010-06-13 23:26:42)
I hate your fucking site
LOL! (2010-06-13 20:18:51)
sperm in da ballxzcasdjkl;jfkal;jdksdlj;fgkJKL;DFJAGKSDF
/A (2010-06-08 23:19:45)
"- STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)" Hilarious!!!
Waleactibecix (2010-06-07 22:09:13)
great article, very informative
Wahwah Pedestrian (2010-06-06 13:20:29)
Priceless! The list of demands is hillarious!
bloodwolf (2010-06-01 10:44:30)
woah...FML....you're a freakin whore....
Big boy (2010-05-31 19:55:23)
Hahahha some kid named Ryan say it's photoshopped. Why the he'll would you need to photoshop text?
anonymous (2010-05-20 23:24:46)
I think you should look for people that say "FTW Epic Awesome" and show them how much of a cunt they are.
Test (2010-05-17 20:49:57)
Hi Bye
BoozyGroggy (2010-05-02 02:26:29)
Mike you hilarious fuck! If i'm gonna let anyone shove broken glass up my anus it's gonna be you. Thanks for all your work!
anonymous (2010-04-19 20:49:43)
What would be FTW Epic Awesome is for a group of guys to launch a massive lawsuit against surrogate agencies, for discrimination! That would be genius! (And I'm a chick!)
slice (2010-04-06 17:19:28)
if you assholes think this is fake why you reading it? you wasting your time being dicks
blowme (2010-04-05 10:15:59)
he's right. but my kid came out retarded.
christina and linds (2010-03-31 17:50:55)
AHAHAHAHAHA! This can't get any truer! hahah :D
ESL Dating Diaries (2010-03-06 22:21:01)
I'm glad to see i'm not the only one doing this sort of thing :) It's alot of fun with overseas scammers on dating sites who speak broken English, but it looks like Craigslist could be just as fun!
Client (2010-03-06 13:40:57)
I fit all of your criteria and am willing to do anal. I don't have a vagina though. I hope it's not a problem. Let me know asap and thanks!
FML (2010-02-23 06:30:59)
you can impregnate me..youre fuckin hilarious..and i'll take it in the ass too..just for you!
F. Yizall (2010-02-23 04:17:43)
I am dying here! I think I'm gonna cough up a lung! Toooo funny!
payday loans (2010-02-22 15:14:41)
I want to thank the blogger very much not only for this post but also for his all previous efforts. I found www.dontevenreply.com to be greatly interesting. I will be coming back to www.dontevenreply.com for more information.
keimado (2010-02-20 15:50:30)
fuck man now that is funny, youre a real asshole congrats
Golden Boy (2010-02-18 03:44:09)
You sir! I want to shake your hand and say well done!
Patto (2010-02-17 17:33:26)
@Ryan, Photoshopped? It's TEXT, why would you run text through photoshop? Have you ever even used any Adobe software?
Bec (2010-02-17 12:51:50)
Dear lord. For those who don't have a sense of humor, just stop reading this site. It's obviously not for you. I'm struggling with infertility right now and even I think this is funny. Plus, he didn't make fun of infertile people. He made
Ryan (2010-02-13 08:52:52)
This was photo shopped you can tell by the verbiage
john troll (2010-02-11 20:49:05)
brilliant!!!
bahahahaha (2010-01-16 00:32:11)
Mmmm Anal
wutdhail (2010-01-09 15:05:07)
Clearly you are losing your edge when you have to resort to being crude..
Nazi (2010-01-02 19:06:43)
Something tells me Mr. credit loans has no clue what the word "resourceful" actually means. dictionary.com, motherfucker. Use it, or you might find your own email posted here.
bad credit loans (2009-12-30 04:53:05)
Hi!!! www.dontevenreply.com is one of the best resourceful websites of its kind. I enjoy reading it every day. I will be back.
Lindsey (2009-12-20 20:55:14)
I haven't laughed like this is s long. Thank you so much.
Jomak (2009-12-12 00:52:45)
My God!! Whoever created the Mongol Day Adv.....Pure Genius!!
hansy (2009-12-09 19:06:56)
thank you, I havent laughed like this in 4ever!
j (2009-12-03 23:46:55)
fakie
Deeze Nutz (2009-12-03 11:53:46)
Mary should take it in the ass and just get it over with. Hey, she may like it - Keep em' coming Mike - these are great!
EMAN (2009-12-01 16:18:50)
This website is the greatest thing since Valtrex
Joe (2009-11-30 04:27:33)
I love you man
mb1974 (2009-11-27 23:07:10)
Instant Classic!
cool (2009-11-26 19:37:06)
Sean are you trolling?
anonymous (2009-11-23 13:55:40)
i love red heads
Frank (2009-11-23 13:12:32)
No redheads? Dude, are you nuts!!! They are the hottest horniest women out there. It is so true that they require more anesthetic than regular chicks.
Shaun (2009-11-20 14:00:30)
LMAO balls in quotes.
Sean (2009-11-18 14:28:21)
Some of these sound fake, really fake. Be honest now Mike,are they??
peeater (2009-11-16 20:34:08)
no thanks fatty
BlowThis (2009-11-15 21:04:06)
Also, the surrogate mother must fit the following criteria: tomuch
thats hust wierd (2009-11-15 04:09:55)
I love this! thanks
karrowt (2009-11-13 11:27:06)
nobody wants a petri dish freak child
Goat (2009-11-13 00:04:24)
Mike, you are one sick puppy.I am going to have to quit reading soon or I will bust a gut laughing.
Dun can (2009-11-12 21:14:31)
Haha so he is trying to offer service to a program that doesn't exist.
Shannon (2009-11-11 23:21:42)
FUNNY AS HELL! As a woman that struggled with infertility for years, this IS funny! People need to relax!
Unknown Fan (2009-11-11 15:14:22)
Lol!!! No redheads, 18-24, can't be fat, genius!!
Meh (2009-11-11 02:54:15)
This one wasn't funny. Making fun of infertility is not funny at all.
progressive (2009-11-10 14:32:02)
haha i almost got busted in class for laughing at "STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)"
Alex (2009-11-09 13:25:53)
WTF Sperm injected into your balls? Fucking awesome!
Enrico_Palazzo (2009-11-07 02:14:59)
Seriously, you have my entire office rolling. This is ridiculous. Thank you for being... you.
Sharon J (2009-11-06 23:28:55)
"I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal." Hilarious.
gfegergev (2009-11-06 09:54:31)
no redheads? your missing out...
Wowserd (2009-11-05 05:22:38)
I wanna leave a comment here, too....
labia (2009-11-04 08:59:25)
ohno this is so offensive to us people with chlamydia
You are my Hero! (2009-11-03 23:41:08)
Marry me, please!
CyberSpecialist (2009-11-03 06:08:24)
Using "reverse-packet IP tracing," I have certified that the above exchange is authentic. All of the others are, unfortunately, fake.
yamal (2009-11-03 00:49:41)
Where does the Jew look for dates? Porn sites.
@Mike Hunt (2009-10-31 23:49:17)
Don't you realize people make fun of your name? You should change it. Maybe Harry?
@Hmm (2009-10-31 23:42:50)
Yes, every post should offer the victim a job killing and dismembering horses on a farm. We would never get tired of it. It could still be varied: Selling a car? I'll buy it if you come to my farm and kill horses. That wud kill !!!!
reim (2009-10-30 10:31:26)
keep being amazed how funny this shit is
Word (2009-10-28 11:53:10)
Best one yet - genius.
FCC (2009-10-28 09:30:02)
Pursuant to Article 21, Section 7 of the Decency in Electronic Communications Code, YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED to amend the name of this Website to "E-mailsfromarectum."
confused (2009-10-28 08:56:24)
The parts about balls and anal sex give me some gay feelings. I also like to put small stuffed animals inside my underpants and then jump on my bed. What should I do?
ROLLAJ (2009-10-27 10:41:06)
Chlamydia is ok because i already have that!!! freaking awesome man!!! Chlamydia is a bacterial infection of the genital tract that spreads easily through sexual contact. You may not know you have chlamydia because the signs and symptoms of pain and flui
ROLLAJ (2009-10-27 10:38:41)
FREAKING AWESOME!!!!! where do i sign up??? I am with you brother, keep the hope alive...!
TDJS (2009-10-27 07:59:12)
It would have been a lot funnier if you'd played the 'sexism' card!
Hmm (2009-10-27 07:34:47)
When will we get another "horse farm" or another "handicapped movers"? Those were funnier.
The Lord (2009-10-26 19:41:29)
You are truly a genious and want you to know I plan on making you my speech writer when the time comes
analover (2009-10-26 16:34:42)
anal makes life worth living
Spites (2009-10-26 13:18:51)
is that statistic true? the one at the end? (no pun intended)
ha ha ha (2009-10-26 12:13:40)
I read this a week ago and I keep laughing about having sperm inserted into his balls. That's fucking hilarious. I literally burst out laughing at random places thinking about that....
host (2009-10-26 12:07:35)
You can thank gnax.net's big fuck up for this site being down for several hours
Peter (2009-10-26 03:15:17)
I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.
Coniconi (2009-10-25 20:43:36)
Hi, I'm Nicolas and i' m worried about my grand father, in fact, is in a retirement home and every time i go to see him he don't do nothing, is social live is not really ecxiting and he is becoming angry! I've heard about Play Therapy but
anonymous (2009-10-25 19:41:29)
lol if you do anal FIRST...? easy way to get an e. coli infection
big fan (2009-10-25 19:40:27)
>>norske (2009-10-24 22:22:28) a lot of people don't. he sends several hilarious shit emails out to people and only puts on
big fan (2009-10-25 19:39:53)
>>norske (2009-10-24 22:22:28) Why don't people simply not reply instead of getting so freakin' stirred up? That's the funny part to me. a lot of people don't. he sends several hilarious shit emails out to people and only puts on
fun (2009-10-25 01:31:43)
it's funny. thanks =)
Laughing (2009-10-24 23:51:31)
He is a class "A" asshole but that shit is funny...
norske (2009-10-24 22:22:28)
Why don't people simply not reply instead of getting so freakin' stirred up? That's the funny part to me.
hotblondemomwithc's (2009-10-24 13:03:24)
A+
anonymous (2009-10-24 08:32:48)
splendid!
your mom (2009-10-24 04:35:38)
oh wow, this was like, asshole-to-the-max from the very start!! :P
ur sovane (2009-10-24 02:37:56)
I never thought emails from an asshole would provide me with informative details regarding sex-ed . Who would of thought anal sex increases the odds of pregnancy by 75% NOT ME-thats who! Thanks email from an asshole.
NG (2009-10-24 00:34:34)
This one is shite. But hey, at least it's something.
Dahn Khan (2009-10-23 22:14:57)
Oh hai, I'm Duncan's Dutch-Mongolian cousin. I just wanted to certify that it's true you cannot place another's sperm "in" your balls, but you can do it "on" your balls.
to umm (2009-10-23 19:24:07)
hey dude, i agree with you, this one sucks a rhino on steroids sized dong.
Je moeder (2009-10-23 17:35:28)
I got the feeling that if i order something at the shop i would be fucked just like al those people
Bri (2009-10-23 17:04:10)
OMFG!!! This is the funniest s*** I've ever read. Keep it up man. =D
anonymous (2009-10-23 15:20:57)
Hey I would take it in the ass emailer. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm a cute 18 to 24 year old.
to umm (2009-10-23 13:37:45)
your fuckin retarded
Goldie (2009-10-23 11:29:01)
Sorry man, IMO you tried to hard on this one, and you got no reaction from her. You could've played on the fact that she's looking for a surrogate mother on craigslist or similar open-board type of resource... that could've been funny. As it i
abc (2009-10-23 07:31:01)
No redheads? you're fucking missing out man. they are pretty wild.
Liv (2009-10-22 22:53:11)
Best. one. ever. of all time. thats it. you cant beat it. AMAZING.
Sn00gan007 (2009-10-22 22:25:19)
Classic!
jaja (2009-10-22 17:21:10)
meh, not the best
to umm (2009-10-22 17:04:04)
umm you are an idiot. you clearly missed the point of this
umm (2009-10-22 16:52:24)
love this site, but this one is a little to vacuous to be funny. the whole point of a surrogate mother is cause girls cant get pregnant, the last thing the want is some dude offering to nut inside them. but it is true, that if you do anal first, it incr
Fail (2009-10-22 16:07:46)
Don't get me wrong- I don't mind them being offensive as long as they have a bit more to them. My point is that the other emails build up in their funniness. The first reply to the advert could be genuine and only after the person replies does the
PieMan! (2009-10-22 14:16:26)
LOL "STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)" That's classic
samefag (2009-10-22 13:38:15)
LOL <insert funny part here> haha
Teester (2009-10-22 13:21:17)
OMGFAWKINGAHH...this is the shit.
bahahaha (2009-10-22 13:17:58)
lulz@Kanye West! surrogate father! lol!! who would've thought? BAHAHAHA
anonymous (2009-10-22 13:06:00)
haha "balls"
@sadface (2009-10-22 09:26:59)
stfu, you big, weeping pussy.
Huni (2009-10-22 06:13:03)
"I will get back to you with who I want to impregnate first" hahahahahahahahah!
Kanye West (2009-10-22 06:11:52)
I'm sorry to say this Mike, but IMMA SAY I DO THE BEST HARDWORK JOB EVER!
Dunkan is mad (2009-10-22 01:30:22)
I ASKED A QUESTION: WHY DID GIGGITY GOO COME OUT MY PEEPEE. ANSWER!!!!!
Howard Levine (2009-10-22 01:18:27)
all i can say is pure genius. When will you come out with a coffee table book of all of these? Dude, you slay me.
Annie (2009-10-21 23:39:20)
By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic. Classic.
cheezestick (2009-10-21 21:37:53)
yup just spelt awesome wrong
cheezestick (2009-10-21 21:37:26)
hahahaha chlamydia is okay because I already have that, awsome
@Karl (2009-10-21 19:50:19)
She puts "balls" in quotes cuz she's quoting him. (That's why we call them "quotes," see.) She used em to refer to his term while conveying "I wouldn't use this word." If you're gonna dis peeple's gramma, git yr
Karl Hungus (2009-10-21 18:14:55)
sadface wrote: was a fan, but after this post, a little disgusted. Just admit it... you were never a fan.
Karl Hungus (2009-10-21 18:12:38)
"balls" -----> Since when did balls need to be put in quotes?
berk (2009-10-21 17:21:05)
please reconsider :D:D one of the best .P
Beau Nuss (2009-10-21 17:10:40)
This one was high quality. It reminds me of the time I shot a load into your Mom's Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee when she ran out of "standard" creamer.
MikeHunt (2009-10-21 15:54:38)
WOW! 1st race baiting with Shaniqua complaints and now ass puppet complaints from the ass puppets. You are doing something right. Keep up the good work
graciano (2009-10-21 11:40:50)
classic line is when the bitch says he is making a mockery of the program...oh my god the fact he posts this on this website truly makes it so fucking brilliant, this man is a true genius, whoever doesnt understand or thinks this guy is an asshole, truly
Dun​can (2009-10-21 11:34:41)
Lol, there's no such thing as a surrogate father.
No redheads? (2009-10-21 11:32:42)
I'll take 'em for you. Love me some redhead.
ass munch (2009-10-21 10:54:08)
I have 2 words for you: I just shit in my pants..
heypass (2009-10-21 10:44:49)
Yeah right and then we'll all hold hands and sit around and sing kumbaya while we watch blue birds fly over the rainbow. Give me a break!
big fan (2009-10-21 10:22:58)
LOVE IT!!!
Jeff (2009-10-21 10:18:50)
One word: awesome!
anonymous (2009-10-21 09:48:34)
hahah i dunno what that pussy is talking about, this one was fuckin GREAT!
2pass (2009-10-21 09:40:50)
U can't be serious!
sadface (2009-10-21 09:15:39)
was a fan, but after this post, a little disgusted.
torodger (2009-10-21 07:51:39)
Whaaaaaaa, you won't visit the site anymore. Someone get me tissues. : ( Boo hoo. Lightenup!
australianantichrist (2009-10-21 07:34:31)
Kepp up the good work man
San (2009-10-21 07:10:22)
Take a hike people. Of course there are going to be a few bad ones, I don't see you coming up with any good material. The STD part was hilarious though.
Pass (2009-10-21 05:33:17)
Yes, please don't offend anyone. Maybe change the whole concept to writing sincere emails from a super-nice guy who gives lots of compliments. That would be so funny and popular.
Fail (2009-10-21 04:53:44)
Just getting less funny every time. Raise your game. The beauty of the other emails was the possibility they could be genuine. THese ones are just becoming crude and offensive.
Flame lover (2009-10-21 04:44:58)
Don't knock redheads.Just rubbish the gingers.Blondes are no more than cheeseburgers to me.Love the site...Keep up the good work!
ineedabmwx5 (2009-10-21 02:57:44)
hahahahaha, great! For all those asking for a rss feed. It wont happen. Look at those google ads, everytime you visit the site to check up if there are new entries, Mike is earning some money. So stop asking for rss and visit the site daily!
jim (2009-10-21 02:55:55)
Am I the only one who finds these emails not as funny as they were? This one was just stupid
@Michael Jackson (2009-10-21 02:42:17)
Would you happen to be *THE* MJ, the King of Pop? If so, you have some nerve faking your death so your movie will rake it in. I waited 17 fucking hours to view your body, and it wasn't even you?
ur sovein (2009-10-21 01:56:07)
One can't simply get anothers sperm put into their "balls" hahahaggsha-
ursovein (2009-10-21 01:55:17)
One can't simply get anothers sperm put into their "balls" hahahaggsha-
lilvanilla (2009-10-21 01:09:20)
omg...i cant breathe from laughin so hard...pls keep em comin
jms (2009-10-21 00:13:56)
hahahah yet another classic.. :D
Dunkan and his body (2009-10-20 23:52:53)
Help! My peepee is crying thick gooey tears. What's going on?
LoOOlLLL (2009-10-20 22:51:38)
HhahaHHaahhahHHA THAT WAS A GOOODER
frank (2009-10-20 22:41:23)
thats funny because he wants to do anal, but not with a redhead are a fat semi short tall woman
anonymous (2009-10-20 22:28:10)
one of your best
nice! (2009-10-20 21:06:03)
ive had clymidia and its not fun.
yk (2009-10-20 21:00:25)
"since im doing all the hard work... i am asking for 50K" thats great this site is great so happy I found it.
lauren (2009-10-20 20:27:46)
This is fabulous. Intelligent. Hysterical. Genius.
rssfeed? (2009-10-20 19:31:06)
any link for rss feed?please ty
lol (2009-10-20 19:27:36)
By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic. muhahahhahahaaaaaaaaaahahhaahhah
Jen (2009-10-20 17:44:48)
This is definitely one of my favorites
Ricky (2009-10-20 17:38:48)
Hey Lucy ben over.
Lucille Ball (2009-10-20 17:37:30)
I resent this email change.
sherry.lavone (2009-10-20 17:13:17)
Funny, I need a surrogate father and I meet all your requirements. Even the STD part.
Beastman AIDS (2009-10-20 17:01:13)
oooo it's a lucky thing there's a character limit for comments. Funny shit though - you make the wees come out
Beastman AIDS (2009-10-20 17:00:08)
LOL "Hello, I saw your ad looking for surrogate mothers, and was wondering if you had any openings for a surrogate father. I am willing to sacrifice my body for families who cannot have a child. I would get the sperm intended for the surrogate mot
Michael Jackson (2009-10-20 16:48:53)
That's ignorant!
Igor (2009-10-20 16:11:31)
"you may as well be working at an abortion clinic." all i needed to hear.
LC (2009-10-20 16:06:11)
this site is hilarious...thanks for helping me kill precious company time
cafe (2009-10-20 15:53:26)
the timewaster's emails...
Allah (2009-10-20 15:34:59)
hahaha laughing this one kept me...come to Allah..i shall give you 7 virgins!
yazbig (2009-10-20 15:28:56)
Stupendously unfunny. What are you, 16 years old?
@RSS Dude (2009-10-20 15:27:23)
You are awesome.
Ol (2009-10-20 15:25:41)
Shame she didn't really bite - Need more than a couple of replies to make it funny to be honest man.
luls.. (2009-10-20 15:16:54)
HAHAHAHAAA!! "No redheads" That's awesome! Gingers have no soul and should be put to death at birth.
zz (2009-10-20 15:14:12)
nice one ahahaa!!
editrix (2009-10-20 15:10:35)
No redheads? F*ck you Mike - I don't love you anymore and want a divorce.
Stupid commenter (2009-10-20 14:34:30)
LOL <insert funny part here> haha
Jennifer (2009-10-20 14:13:32)
LOL she must be "STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)" LOL Keep it coming!
Sam (2009-10-20 14:06:51)
The anal comment had me crying! Great work!!
anonymous (2009-10-20 13:53:17)
wow that was great you had me laughing my ass off
Kvlt (2009-10-20 13:40:58)
fuckin genious !
Big_Don (2009-10-20 13:29:49)
I just finished reading this site ( in Iraq theres not alot to do when I'm not actually working) it's probably the best one I've seen in a while, Keep up the good "work"
Rosa Parks (2009-10-20 13:20:05)
I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal. HAHA funny shit
AWESOME (2009-10-20 13:18:38)
One of the most creative yet
RSS Feed (2009-10-20 13:10:41)
hey for those looking for an rss feed, here is one until there is a legit one onsite: osweago.com/dontevenreply.php
Cassanova (2009-10-20 13:09:42)
That's the best job ever.
HIHI (2009-10-20 13:02:44)
"Believe me, this is not about the sex for me. I just want to help our country's most precious resource: our children" LOL
Antonio (2009-10-20 12:50:01)
I'm honestly surprised she even wrote back to you after the first e-mail. Lol, good job.
Wyrd (2009-10-20 12:47:37)
"you may as well be working at an abortion clinic" lol
chris (2009-10-20 12:47:33)
no redheads haha

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