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Be A Man
Posted at: 2009-10-15 11:26:06
Original ad:
Old/used soccer equipment wanted for my kid. Will drive to pick up anywhere near Malvern. No calls, email only: ************@verizon.net
From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Hello,

I have a bunch of old soccer equipment that would be perfect for your daughter. I have soccer balls, nets, cleats, etc. Let me know specifically what you need and we can talk prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Actually the stuff is for my son because I want to get him started in soccer. I'm in need of a practice net, soccer ball and kids size 6 cleats if you have them. Thanks.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone.

I'm charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don't have kids size 6 cleats, but you don't really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers.

Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Well I'm definitely interested in kicking your fucking ass. One question, asshole: if you think soccer is so gay, why do you have soccer equipment, and a cheerleader set and baton?

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Please, you aren't kicking anyone's ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man.

To answer your question, I have the baton and cheerleader set as trophies. When I was a kid, I used to go around the neighborhood and beat up all the other kids who played soccer and steal their stuff. I acquired the cheerleader set and baton from this one kid in the neighborhood, Caleb. I always knew that kid wasn't right - he used to ride around on a pink bike and always wanted to have tea parties with the other kids. I tried to help him by beating him up and stealing his baton, but I don't think it worked. I saw him in Philly a few years ago, blowing some guy in an alley. Anyway, I kept my gatherings in my shed out back as a testament to my manliness, but I need to make room for my new shotgun and power saw.

So do you want the stuff or not? I also have Brokeback Mountain on DVD. I ordered Die Hard, but that was sent to me in error. It sounds like a movie that you and your son would enjoy watching.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

You must be so proud of what a big man you are with your shotgun and power saw.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

You're goddamn right I am. It's just part of being a man, which you apparently know nothing about. Tell you what - forget the baton and cheerleader set. I want to help you. I'll sell you my shotgun for $1,700. It is a 10-gauge Remington that'll put some hair on your chest. Take your son hunting with it. There is nothing more manly than blowing a deer's head off and eating the raw venison from its neck.

Then, after you are done manning up, you can come back and I'll sell you some football equipment for your son. I'd hate to see him blowing Caleb in an alley in Philly some day.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

How about you take your shotgun and stick it up your ass and pull the trigger? Go fuck yourself.

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Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
GeorgeWarp (2014-08-23 01:11:00)
で数少ない例することができます 優れた品質 その意志あなたを助ける{
GeorgeWarp (2014-07-14 04:16:38)
でカップル例つは可能性 最高品質高い品質が得られます 助けるために{
s (2014-07-13 19:04:45)
this is pretty fucking dumb.. i heard of volleyball, but how is soccer girly?
@Rekm35 (2014-07-06 02:10:34)
108million is 1/3 of it's respective demographic while 749million is only 1/10 of it's demographic. Also, football is the best sport ever conceived which does not include fighting or guns.
GeorgeWarp (2014-06-26 22:29:17)
で数例することができます 最高品質高い品質が得られます なるようにĒ
soccerisgay (2014-06-23 07:36:14)
You know what?? Basketball is for real men.
GeorgeWarp (2014-06-19 01:13:34)
での握り例1月 良質 なるように次のことができますあなたを助けるため
Fuckyou (2014-04-21 12:17:50)
Much butthurt such wow
Rekm (2014-02-02 01:24:08)
The way Football players laugh at soccer players, is the same way Rugby players laugh at the NFL.
Rekm35 (2014-02-02 01:21:00)
To all those dim witted Americans on this page... 108 million people watched Super Bowl XLVII while a whopping 749 million people saw the final of the previous Soccer World Cup.
Al (2014-02-01 03:44:01)
Hockey is more manly than football (American or real)??? Do one Ice Skating is for pansies
Batman (2014-01-28 02:26:35)
Soccer is for pansies. You people are so touchy damn.
FT (2014-01-08 20:48:45)
@Soccer=shit's comment. How in the fuck is football harder than soccer? YOU USE YOUR FUCKING FEET TO MOVE THE BALL AROUND. THATS 100x HARDER THEN USING YOUR HAND. Also football pussies have like 10 coats of fucking armors its not the fucking medieval
David (2013-12-28 14:54:22)
Hilarious!!! (ps:if FOOTBALL & HOCKEY are so rough why wear protection there is no protection in RUGBY. Also Ive never seen more broken legs ,arms or any other bone in a sport tan in "FUTBOL"(the original one "soccer" is a stupid name they
dot (2013-11-01 13:21:45)
'You're goddamn right I am.' - That line.. That was all I was hoping for
james (2013-10-03 09:17:53)
this site' jeez people are so easily offended
james (2013-10-03 09:17:10)
Cory, if your familiar with this site how can you be shocked by this entry? besides the fact that it's hilarious, it only follows the standard blueprint of him playing the asshole and trying to elicit a funny response. Thats the whole point of this si
- (2013-09-27 22:34:29)
There's a fine line between being funny and being a cunt, compared to your other pranks this one really doesn't suit you.
Cory (2013-09-03 02:01:56)
Okay, most of these are funny, but this IS fucking stupid, and rude. You should be ashamed about this one. This poor dad. He seems like such a good dad. And what's with the horrific homophobia? Pretty sick man.
Zach (2013-07-27 18:25:35)
v Hockey is up there in manliness, better than football, same with wrestling. Not WWE, I mean college or Olympic wrestling.
Real man (2013-07-17 12:37:00)
Hockey is much more manly than football, american or normal
Joe (2013-07-09 13:11:06)
Thanks to Doug Stanhope for plugging this site! - I should be planning my suicide but have to read more Emails!
Peter (2013-06-24 18:00:39)
Muricans football should called handegg.
Swawncync (2013-05-21 05:04:33)
a musical rendition compliments regarding NYC' s Sonic Yoga (Video) This is a hilarious parody into the “ Cell Block Tango” from the musical Chicago done YOGA EXERCISE STYLE! Inspired by the awesome community that is Sonic Yoga in the h
gahsclyjit (2013-05-19 07:26:55)
Mei Xi 18 kill repeatedly continue below refresh record annulus if excommunicate will innovate again the god is slash Phoenix sports dispatchCome to Nuokanpu, probably visiting team of Baliekanuo defend player people oneself know, they prevent Meixi to

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