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The Plumber That Can't
Posted at: 2009-07-21 09:40:44
Original ad:
I NEED CASH! I am a handyman and can do all kinds of work. I do plumbing, dry wall, electric, general construction, and any other job you need done! Email or call
From Dan Gibson to *************@********.org
Hello,

Your handyman skills are needed. I have a problem I was hoping you would be able to help me with. Last night, when I was throwing up, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet and flushed it. It is a small phone, so I am pretty sure it made its way to my septic tank in the backyard. I need to get this phone back. It has an irreplaceable picture of my friend Tim hooking up with a fat chick, and I need this picture so I can taunt him with it for the rest of his life.

I will hire you to sift through my septic tank to find the phone. It is a 1250 gallon septic tank, and has not been drained in a while. On the plus side, I will let you keep anything you find that is not my phone. There is probably a ton of spare change that was accidentally flushed, and maybe some other treasures. The pay for this job could potentially be huge.

Please let me know when you can help. I am free all week. Just contact me via e-mail, because my phone obviously is in a world of shit (no pun intended)

Thanks,

Dan

From ivan ******* to Me

you must be out of your fucking mind.

From Dan Gibson to ivan *******

So is that a yes? Your handyman ad said that you did plumbing.

Dan

From ivan ******* to Me

yeah but did it say that i swim through tanks of fucking shit? no.

you couldnt pay me a thousand dollars to do that.

From Dan Gibson to ivan *******

Well I just thought that was implied with "I do plumbing." I didn't realize it meant that you didn't take jobs that you are too scared to do.

I just remembered, a while ago, my ex-wife's engagement ring was accidentally flushed when I was nailing her on the toilet. If you find it, it is yours. It is only a cubic zirconia (fooled her, ha ha!), but it is still probably worth about $50.

I also just flushed some air fresheners down the toilet, to freshen up the septic tank for you.

Are you going to help me now or what?

From ivan ******* to Me

Wow You sound like a real classy guy. you dont need a handyman what you need is a fucking septic tank expert with a death wish. fuck off.

From Dan Gibson to ivan *******

Nah, I think I just need a REAL handyman, not some pussy who says he does plumbing but then backs out when he finds out that the job is too hard. It isn't even a hard job, so I don't know what your problem is. Hell, my 10-year-old son could do this. In fact, he has done this before. I'd ask him to do it again but the ex took my kids and moved to Arizona.

Will you hurry up and do the job? The phone is still ringing when I call it from the house, but the battery life will not last that long. I think I can even hear it when I stand outside over my septic tank. Tell you what, while you are sifting through it, I'll flush down some soap to clean the tank a little bit.

From ivan ******* to Me
gee i wonder why your wife took your kids...FUCK OFF. you are a fucking retard!!
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Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
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Cubic-Z (2013-03-21 10:02:01)
"my ex-wife's engagement ring was accidentally flushed when I was nailing her on the toilet." Wahahaha
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bone (2013-02-13 10:51:56)
Who begs for work, then tells someone who offers work to fuck off? First world problems. I'll bet I could get a kid in a third world country to do it for a hot meal and a lesson on times tables.
Tadashi (2013-02-13 03:50:09)
(I wouldn't do it for a cubic zirconia, though. :op)
Tadashi (2013-02-13 03:47:53)
My friendly neighborhood spirits are going to curse me for this... ...but for $1,000, I think I'd be willing to sift through a tank of shit for an hour.
TigerladyNZ (2013-02-06 21:27:04)
"So is that a yes?" and I completely lost it.
Go to bed. (2013-01-20 01:32:40)
Too many moronic kids commenting on this website. Get off your Dad's computer and go read a book and do your schoolwork. This world is going to be fucked.
@Oddball (2012-12-27 04:14:20)
brain? Sheesh.
@Oddball (2012-12-27 04:13:36)
I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are the moron here. (These are parentheses) and [these are brackets]. That guy wasn't using a "big word," he was using the correct term. Or is the word "parentheses" too difficult for your tiny
Oddball (2012-12-24 19:24:58)
@Yuuuuup (or should that be STFuuuuuuuup) Parenthesis......"ooh, look at me, using big words, when a simple 'brackets' would suffice." You're fooling no-one, retardo.
RC (2012-12-13 22:53:39)
HAHAHA!!! DAMMIT! I can't stop laughing!!!
Yuuuuup (2012-08-01 10:39:31)
cubic zirconia (fooled her, ha ha!).. the parentheses are always the best on this site
lol (2012-07-20 21:03:57)
jennyjane - fuck you.
DatGuy23 (2012-07-20 06:57:21)
DAT WEBSITE <3
jennyjane (2012-07-19 20:51:01)
in the philippines someone would actually do that for 5$ = 250 pesos. with no equipment on.
Omni (2012-06-15 09:34:51)
he won't accept a thousand dollars of payment just to swim trough the tanks XD hes really classy
JxHx (2012-06-08 11:57:01)
Carl JR is a fucking retard.

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