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Vintage Liquor
Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:43:45
Original ad:
Collector looking for vintage scotch, rum, cognac, bourbon, etc. Willing to pay top dollar for fine bottles.
From Timmy Tucker to **********@**********.org

Hey there! I saw your ad on ********** and have some "vintage" liquor you may be interested in.

I have about half a handle of Captain Morgan's Rum, a rare vintage rum from the Caribbean. I bought this at a liquor store on Long Island in 2007, and believe that its taste has really aged to perfection. I am willing to sell this for $300.

I also have a very rare bottle of Aristocrat Tequila. You can taste the fine vintage in every sip. I acquired it from a friend who says he bought it at a liquor store in Baltimore in 2005. You can really taste that southern atmosphere in this one! Due to its rarity, I will sell this for $500.

Also, if you are interested, I have about half a case of vintage Natural Ice beer. It was acquired from a frat party I was at about a month ago. This frat has a very old history with Syracuse, and that history came with the beer. It doesn't get much more vintage than this. I will part with this at $50 per can.

I really hate to see this stuff go, but after my third DUI, the court ordered me to do a program that involves me staying sober, so I think it is best that I part with this rare liquor.

Please let me know if you are interested. I have several other buyers lined up, so I will need to know very soon.

Thanks,

Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Tim,

You must be crazy to consider that bottom-end liquor "vintage." I am not interested and am insulted that you would even try to sell me such cheap liquor at such ridiculous prices.

Evan

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

Evan,

I am very disappointed that you are not interested in these vintage treasures. Every bottle and can I sell comes with priceless historic value. Please reconsider, because I don't think you will find an offer like this anywhere else.

- Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Are you nuts? You want to sell me beer you stole from a frat, that is a month old, for $50 a can? I am NOT INTERESTED.

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

Evan,

I did not steal that beer, and I resent the accusation. Please reconsider purchasing this. I am a recovering alcoholic, and fear that I will drink again if I am unable to get rid of this booze. Please do not make me drink again!

Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Why don't you just throw the booze away? You have problems, man.

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

WJKAJF EVAN U RUNED MY LIF. I DRNK ALL THE BOTTLE. U MADE ME CRSH MY CAR AND RUN AWAY NOW POLICE RJSGJKEW. WIFE IN HOSPTAL. i HATE U EVEN U DISTROY LIFE
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Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
George (2014-02-27 11:33:15)
I lost it at the end
Donny "Faggot" Prehn (2014-01-13 12:32:49)
I am gay
db144dc @Hilarious (2013-12-01 12:15:50)
Really? So not finding this funny is equivalent to being homofuckingsexual? This was A LITTLE funny until the fail troll at the end.
notacop (2013-11-10 20:21:35)
so where is the frat party.
Thokelpwhepem (2013-04-30 19:26:27)
COACH ストロートート かごバッグ商品管理番号112051お問い合わせの際はこの番&#
Scotch Professional (2013-03-24 04:39:01)
Johnnie walker black label 12yo - best selling blended scotch in the world (not a mixer) Glenmorangie Original 10yo - best selling single malt in Scotland
JBBB (2013-03-12 16:21:15)
You can taste the southern atmosphere in this one. Brilliant
Rob (2013-03-09 02:21:39)
Man, some of these ads are hilarious. Then when I finish, I go to read the comments to see what everyone else thinks, and it's a total killjoy. Why do people even waste their time reading this, if they don't enjoy them?
Hilarious (2013-03-07 01:45:48)
All those stupid fuckin pieces of shit who said this isnt funny can suck a dick and choke then vomit it up and have the dog eat the vomit and then your fucking girlfriend slips and you get horny and fuck her in the dick choke dog vomit.
to$wift4ya (2012-12-27 18:18:37)
Wow! Some ppl..lol
petiesrevenge (2012-12-08 11:48:38)
So who took the strap on first......you or your "bro"?
the real mike (2012-11-22 22:57:55)
when i wrote this i was double teaming some chick with my bro. that is why it seems not so funny
Budlight (2012-11-19 20:16:13)
It wasn't funny until the last bit.
bored (2012-11-03 17:15:07)
I can only presume that the fud who writes these also supplies all of the comments. Except mine, of course.
Noshi (2012-10-23 21:54:38)
Not. Funny. At. All. All the guy did was tell you he wasn't interested and that you have problems and you went all try hard. FAIL.
anonymous (2012-10-19 16:59:01)
so. fucking. stupid.
LOLOL (2012-09-23 08:20:00)
"I DRNK ALL THE BOTTLE." I don't know what it is, but that part in particular made me lose it. XD
Danielle (2012-09-02 23:57:28)
This stuff is so funny! I can't even stand it. Mike, you're awesome.
Bella (2012-07-22 00:43:46)
Yes, I "lol" on every one of these. xD
HIGHasfuckk (2012-07-10 23:47:07)
The last comment is gold.
Da Juan (2012-07-03 03:57:46)
i for one was "lol"ing at the last comment.
Sjon (2012-06-18 07:28:22)
Do you people actually lol? I, at most, get a smile om my face, but lol? nahh.
hahaha (2012-05-27 21:26:30)
The ending is my favorite thing on this website since "call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich"
LAWL (2012-05-17 10:57:57)
Lawl @ the end
Jamie (2012-05-15 06:25:25)
LMAO fucking quality!

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